Family First

    
This morning as I sat down to write today's blog, my intent was set on a completely different topic, but when I noticed today's date December 2nd, I was reminded that my dad's birthday is coming up this week on December 5th, and that took me in a completely different direction. For those that know a little bit about me, you may know that my father passed away a long time ago, 24 years ago to be more exact. He was in surgery for a biopsy on a brain mass and due to complications during the surgery, our father never woke up, bummer right? Sorry to start today's thought off with a sad recollection, but I'm headed somewhere with this, with the hope that it inspires someone out there to action.
     Coupled with the loss of our father in 1994, it's necessary to add that we lost our mother in 1985 over 33 years ago. Both sets of grandparents have been gone for many years, so it goes without saying that I am thankful and blessed to have my brother Bob and my sister Donna. We were blessed to have caring parents while we had them, and they taught all three of us valuable lessons about life and how to live life that have carried us all forward and allowed us all to be "successful" in life. Thank you Joe E. Carter and Martha L. "Whetsel" Carter.
     So, the question is what do I mean with the title "Family First"? Today's blog is a call to action for someone out there that has allowed some type of personal injury to sever a relationship with a loved one. Mother, father, brother, sister, son, daughter, aunt uncle, cousin, or other it doesn't matter we are all going to have disagreements, disappointments, and even devastating circumstances that take place in our relationships. It's easy to become the judge and jury when we are hurt by anyone, especially someone we love and give of ourselves completely. We may forgive and forgive until it feels like we have nothing left in us to forgive with one more time. In other cases, some of us have severed ties with family members due to one particular hurt and in your mind that one hurt is all it took to build that wall. Whatever the case if you are distanced from a family member or even a former friend you have justified the break in your mind and that is that, right?
     Holding that grudge, handing down the sentence, or severing the ties that bind in life are all actions that we take without considering the consequences of our choices, many times until it's too late to reconcile. I've practically lived over half of my life without my mom, and close to half of my life without my dad, what I would give for a chance to say I'm sorry for so many things from those years I did have with them. So many missed chances to say "I love you" and so many minutes, hours, and days missed together sharing and making memories. Oh, what I would trade for those times today. I know they are there watching, living in us, and living through the lives we have created in our own children. But dang, it's just not the same.
      You may be justified in the reasoning behind a break you are a part of in a relationship of your own. You could probably sit in front of a judge or a jury and in most situations they would be in full agreement with your verdict of guilty, but who is the one that is actually going to serve the sentence? What if that former "loved one" were to die today? What if you were to die today? You know none of us has the "due date" for when we will actually check out of this life we are living. Forgiving someone isn't saying what you did or what you are doing is acceptable, and it isn't providing one more opportunity to hurt you one more time, forgiving is just that an act of forgiveness. Over the years, I have talked to people that have severed ties in a relationship to the point that they do not even want to be in the room within 15 feet of that other person. Not even one ounce of care due to the hurt that this person has invoked on their life. What if we were judged like that by our Maker?
     I think it is pretty safe to assume that if we were judged by the same measure that we have judged others, Heaven would be a pretty vacant space. So many failures, so many wrong decisions and choices we have made, and so many times we have turned our backs on God when we knew we were hurting His heart and we continued anyway. What if we could not gain forgiveness for our mistakes? What if forgiveness was not an option because Jesus was not alive today? Would any of us want to be judged for our past without the opportunity to be forgiven for our past transgressions? You know the answer to that one.
     Fortunately, we can be forgiven, fortunately we are forgiven. As cruel as man was to Jesus persecuting Him, beating Him, and ultimately hanging Him on a cross, His final request to His father in Heaven was "Father forgive them for they know not what they do" Luke 23:34. So if God will forgive you and I for all of the letdowns, failures, and mistakes we have made, who are we to not forgive those that have hurt us? My dad's birthday is this week and I would love to tell him how sorry I am for so many things I did in my life, but unfortunately that isn't possible. My job is to make sure I don't end up in that situation with my own children, my wife, my other family members. Also, my job today is to tell you that it is time for you to make sure this doesn't happen in your own life.
     Forgiving isn't forgetting the past hurts, those are scars that will always be there. But, as it was explained to me a long time ago, the scars are there as a reminder of the hurt, but the actual hurt has been healed and the pain from that injury is gone. We have to move on from the injury, we must forgive those that have hurt us and we have to move on if we want to live our life without regrets. Be the bigger person in your broken relationship. Go to them, forgive them, and put your family first!
Coach Carter