When people used to tell me that if they would have known how wonderful it is to have grandchildren they would have had them first, I would chuckle a bit, but that was about as far as my mind would go. Now that I have grandchildren, I know exactly what they meant. It is amazing! Love my granddaughters. As a grandparent, I will have a certain amount of influence in their lives, yet at the end of the day it will be their mother and father that will have the biggest impact on their young lives. So, does that mean I'm off the hook? Unfortunately, I'm directly on the hook because the life I lived with my own children and the influence I had on them is going to have a direct impact on the way they raise their children. Solomon wrote about this very topic in Proverbs 17:6 with this declaration laced with a cryptic warning, "Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children is their fathers." If you are a parent, may be a parent down the line, or even for us that have the pleasure of being a grandparent today's FTM is for you.
Let's set a little mental image really quick before we go any further. You know that feeling you get when you are watching a movie and there is a person holding on to the outreached hand of someone else that just happens to be dangling over a deep, dark drop into oblivion, and then suddenly loses that grip and the person begins a descent becoming fainter, and fainter as they fall? Okay, well keep that image in mind as you think about what happens as your children reach adulthood and they move on to start their own family. When your sons and daughters are little you feel like you have all the time in the world to pour into their lives, yet the truth of the matter is "time" actually does fly. Toddlers become teens, teens become young adults, and as we lose that grip on their hands all of a sudden, our little babies are expecting their first born. This isn't meant to be a downer, I promise. That is just the circle of life, but what we do with that precious time we have with our children is what makes that circle of life continue to go around and round and not upside down!
How are you investing in your children's lives? Do you provide an example about how to treat other people by the way you are treating people? How do they see you display empathy? What do they see in you that shows them that we are all created equal? What does fair look like in your home? What do your children know about faith? Is it something you do on Sunday and then just like your Bible, it is placed on the shelf until next Sunday? Promise I'm not judging you, if anything I am convicting self. As a parent looking back in the rear-view mirror of life, boy there's a laundry list a mile long of things I would have done differently. Can't go back, but you can move forward. That's my saving grace, but maybe you don't have to rectify the past like me, maybe you've got the chance right now because your children are still children at home under your direct influence. That is something to give thanks for every day if you can turn the corner and make a difference today in the lives of your grandchildren down the road.
You see, the training we do with our children is going to have an impact on their lives obviously. What we don't always think about is that the way we raise our children will have a direct impact on the way they raise their children. Obvious again right? Maybe not. Remember that image of the guy falling that we painted in our minds earlier? Well think about your influence on the lives of your children and the children they will raise with that same image in mind. As your daily influence begins to fade, the lessons you taught or didn't teach, the values you showed or didn't show, the trust and faith that you lived out or ignored will all be aspects of your child's parenting skills on your grandchildren. As I pointed out earlier, your influence on your grandchildren is going to be limited and minimal at best, because as wise old Solomon pointed out "the glory of children is their fathers". So, once we watch our children in action we will either smile or cringe, because we have to own it either way.
Now I have heard young people say, I'll never be like my dad/mom was when I was a kid, and I guess that is in a sense teaching your kids how "not" to raise your own children, but I don't think too many of us want that to be the driving force in our sons and daughter’s child rearing resources, "How to or How Not to...”. We are blessed and fortunate all rolled into one life that we are living, there is a handbook that we have access to, and we have examples to model after, and we have a Heavenly Father that is there to hold our hand and guide us as we make this journey through parenthood. This help is always available and always applicable. If you are a parent, going to be a parent, or have been a parent and now you are a grandparent God gives you an example to follow that directly speaks to every quality we would ultimately want to forge into the lives of our children.
The goal is that we aren't sitting here as grandparents thinking "Why would my kids allow their kids to do whatever it is that they are doing?". Ultimately, we have to own that. The psalmist is clear in psalm 103:17-18, "But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children's children, to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments." Righteousness is choosing to live a just and moral life. Jesus was the true example of being righteous, and through his life we have a model by which we should be living and inadvertently pouring into the little eyes of those watching us. I am proud of my children, I pray that I didn't do too much damage in their lives due to the person I was when they were children, and my hope is that as I am still their father, they will see the difference God has made in my life since I gave Him my life, and they will follow my choice to follow God for the rest of my life on this earth!
Praying for all parents today!
Coach Carter
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