Sitting in the Other Person's Seat

 

Sitting in the other person's seat is pretty much like walking a mile in someone else's shoes. My empathy gauge doesn't naturally sit on full based on my personality type. I'm the guy that doesn't want anyone to feel sorry for me, and I don't want anyone to think I can't do something on my own. That translates into a mindset that if I'm like that, then everyone else should be, and so there isn't any need for empathy towards their situation. Not a good place to be. It is easy to say things like, "if I was in that position, I would do this or that." The problem with that is I can't really guarantee my response to adversity until I've sat in their seat or walked in their shoes. That thought became even more clear earlier this week as I listened to an episode of Focus on the Family on the radio.

Guy Doud was named National Teacher of the Year in 1986, and on this particular episode of Focus on the Family, Doud was the guest speaker. As an educator and motivational speaker, the subject of a vast majority of Doud's messages has an educational basis. During this message, Guy talked about a couple of students that he had in class that just did not perform or even give enough effort to provide them with a grade. Mr. Doud was a high school English teacher so reading literature, writing essays, and then correcting grammar errors were all at the core of his classroom instruction. The two students Doud referred to showed very little interest in what he was teaching and he had pretty much written them off as unmotivated or even more so, lazy. 

As Doud wove his story to the climax, he shared that his whole attitude towards these two particular students changed when he gained a little deeper insight into the lives these two young people were living. First, there was a young man that sat distanced from others in the classroom, never smiling, basically placing his head down on the desk most days with little effort. One day before others entered the room Guy had a chance to talk with the young man about his weekend plans. The young adult looked up at Doud and preceded to tell him that he hadn't seen his mom since he was a little boy and he was going to meet here that weekend. You see the mom had abandoned her kids and never looked back he explained. You think he might have been dealing with feelings of inadequacy or lack of worth all those years? 

Then Mr. Doud shared a story about a female student that would complete journal assignments with a sentence or two if he was lucky enough to receive that. One day in class he assigned a topic to "Write about something that I might need to know about you". Consequently, that evening when Doud sat down to grade journals, he found a journal entry that made him question the relevance of having his students write about the theme of a short story by Steinbeck, or what the prepositional phrase in a sentence diagram was. This young lady had been forced to have an abortion recently against the girl’s wishes. She was on the outs with her parents, and she was feeling tremendous amounts of remorse and regret over the decision her parents made concerning her body and her unborn child. 

It doesn't matter if you are a teacher or not, you work with people, interact with people, or you may even live with someone that has something unsettled in their life that is so deep rooted that their lives just don't matter to them right now. The problem is if you don't know the situation you can't begin to have empathy for that person's plight. Not knowing the life stories of those around us could lead us to a stance that wants to just say "suck it up buttercup!" But what Guy Doud did after learning about the stories of these two particular students is what made the difference. After learning about the reasons why these two students seemed so disassociated with their education and life he started going in early in the morning before the doors even opened to students and he sat in their seats and prayed for each of them individually. But how did that change their lives you may ask? Well that's between them and God, but my guess is God heard Doud's prayers and then used him to make a difference in the lives of those young people. 

The first change came in the life of Guy Doud. When he sat in the young man's seat and started thinking about what it would feel like to have a mother that thought so little of you that she walked away and had not made contact with you over the past 16 or 17 years, it changed the way Guy Doud looked at that young man sitting in his seat. When he sat in the young female student's seat Guy thought about how difficult it must be thinking about the life that was lost and how she would live with that memory for the rest of her life. When Doud sat in her seat he could at least empathize with her situation and then work to help her find a way to move forward. 

It isn't sympathy, it is all about empathy. We don't want to feel sorry for someone and then make excuses for their actions or emotions, but we do want to walk a mile in their shoes. When we do that, it should make a difference in how we interact with the other person. We can realize and understand a little better why things might be the way they are. We might even be able to relate to the other person's situation a little better due to a similar circumstance in our own background. Sitting in the other person's seat gives us a new perspective and a new opportunity to intercede on behalf of that person's life. 

What did Jesus do when he arrived at the home of Mary and Martha after they had sent a message to Him about their deathly ill brother Lazarus? He sat in their seat, realizing the loss and pain that they were experiencing, “Jesus wept.” John 11:35. If Jesus wept with Mary and Martha then we should weep right alongside our fellow man or woman when life's circumstances are too much to handle. Should we stay there and wallow in the pity and despair? Absolutely not. Should we pray for guidance? Yes. Should we pray for intervention from God on the situation? Yes, absolutely! Slow down before you make a decision about that other person, walk a mile in their shoes or just sit down in their seat so you can gain a different perspective on what that other person is going through! What you give may very well be given back to you! "Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.” Luke 6:38.

Coach Carter

Guy Doud / Focus on the Family 

What Are You Waiting For?

 

Each day, every day has a beginning and an end, that goes without saying, yet many people are going about each day as if it is just one more day. In reality, it is the only day we have been given that we can be guaranteed we will have. Obviously, we can't go back to yesterday, and if we are waiting until tomorrow to get here before we move ourselves to action, we may be waiting on a train that might just never arrive. 

As I meet with God each morning I make sure I thank Him for the gift of one more day. A gift that should be used to its utmost the day you receive it. One more day, I thank God for giving me one more day, but is it the day or is it the opportunities that this unique day from any other day in my life holds? If we get right down to it the gift of one more day should be the offer to serve others, do right instead of wrong, raise up someone less fortunate than myself, or even just as simple as a "Do unto others as you would have them do to you" mentality. If you hold back what God gave you to offer today I guess my question to you would be "What are you waiting for?"

In I Corinthians 3:6-8 Paul explains it like this, "I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So, neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor." You see we all have a purpose and it is our responsibility to fulfill that purpose each day that we are blessed to have been given. When I wake up and say thank you for this day that you have given me God, then I have to also be saying what is it that I need to do today to fulfill your plan for this day you have given me? Maybe I am the one that needs to plant a seed of hope for a friend? Could it be that today I am supposed to help someone in need on the side of the road with a flat tire? What about encouraging a child? Doing a favor for an elderly neighbor? Making a call to someone just to let them know that you were thinking about them? Maybe you were given today to plant a seed.

Or maybe you were given today to nurture that seed. Joining a non-profit's efforts to feed those without a roof over their heads, or volunteering to coach a youth league team, or maybe your watering can is filled with opportunities to get involved in a ministry at your church that you have just been "too busy" to support. Whatever it is that you were called to get involved in is my question would have to be, "What are you waiting for?

God has given you today, you were given this day for a specific purpose that you were born to accomplish today. God didn't say you have to plant the seed today and He sure didn't say you have to water those seeds that have already been planted, but make no qualms about it He did give you this day. You have to ask yourself, what am I waiting for? What am I waiting on? Today is the day, go out and commit to fulfilling your purpose each day that God gives you to live. What are you waiting for?                          "And whatsoever you do, in word or in deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17 

Coach Carter

Say I Won't

 

Good morning, afternoon, evening or whatever time of the day it is that finds us together sharing the joy of this beautiful life that we have been given to live out! I had already titled today's Flat Tire thought "Learn What It Means to Live, Not Just Be Alive" before something happened that literally brought me to tears and instantly changed the title of today's message to "Say I Won't". From previous blogs, you may have gathered that I spend a great deal of time listening to worship music, which in my opinion has had a profound impact on my life. I'll have to say many times I suffer a little from "lyricosis", or the habit of singing the wrong lyrics to the songs I'm listening to. Come on, admit it, you are just as guilty as I am! Well this self-created urban term actually brought me to where we are with today's FTM title. 

The song "Say I Won't" by the band MercyMe has been out for a while now and I really fell in love with the line in the song that proclaims "I’m gonna know what it means to live, and not just be alive" yet I really had no idea what the next couple of lines said. All I knew, or thought I knew, was that the last line said "Sail On". That really didn't make a lot of sense to me, but I thought the band was alluding to keep on going and live out that life. So, as I sat down this morning I figured I would look up the song's actual lyrics so I didn't share misconstrued info. What I actually ran into was the official video of the song "Say I Won't" which is the line in the song that I had been crooning, "Sail on!" What happened next changed the whole meaning of this encouraging and motivational song, and also the direction of today's FTM Thought. 

The remaining lines of the stanza in the song go like this, "The world’s gonna hear, cause I’m gonna shout, and I will be dancing when circumstances drown the music out, say I won’t" Well if that isn't a challenge then I don't know what is. If you grew up with me, or spent any amount of time with me over the years you probably would attest to this statement, "don't dare me to do something or tell me I can't because that just means I'm gonna do it." The challenge in this song is one that grasped so much more of that thought process as I watched the video behind the words of this song. 

What I didn't know was that the song "Say I Won't" is a backdrop for the life of one of the bands crew members. In 2019 Gary Miracle, longtime band staff member with the band MercyMe, found himself in a septic medical state that resulted in the loss of both forearms and both legs below the knee. As the video and song reached the line that I had once thought was a directive to move on, the words "say I won't" took on a whole new meaning to me. It's like I could hear Gary Miracle saying, "Tell me I can't have a normal life, tell me that I won't write again or feed myself again. Tell me I won't walk again and I'm gonna prove you wrong, don't tell me I won't because I will!" That message is what I want to share with you today. It may be the world that's telling you that "you can't", but more than likely that push down is coming from a place that is a great deal closer to home than the outside world. 

So many times, the main deflective force in our lives is that little voice inside our heads. "You're not smart enough, strong enough, capable enough, or how about, you can't do that, or it won't matter if you do that anyway". Those voices should serve as motivation to show the world that you will, that you can, and that you are going to do it because you can and you will! I love a challenge, a good buddy of mine and colleague, Daniel Aldridge and I have a saying that we use in so many instances. "If you say NO, then we say it's ON! What is the world telling you that you can't do? What is it as you are sitting in your chair telling yourself, you just can't do it? Listen to the words of the song, "I'll be dancing when circumstances drown the music out". Say I won't. I dare you, say I can't, challenge me, Say I won't. I will!

Where does this confidence come from? How can I be so sure? How can Gary Miracle be so confident that he is going to walk again? Because "... greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world" I John 4:4. If you have a relationship with the One that gives you the strength to face every challenge that comes your way then you know, that is if you truly know Him, you know that "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." Philippians 4:13. In my life I live with that confidence, in my coaching I won't allow my athletes to use the words "I can't", I hate to even write those two little words down. The only thing I can't do is admit that I can't do something is my only use for those two words! When I saw the video for the song, "Say I Won't" I was so moved, because I know many people in Gary Miracle's life have said "he will never be able to walk again", well I could pretty much hear Mr. Miracle, saying "watch me, I will walk again!" What an appropriate last name, Miracle. The truth of the matter is that it won't be a miracle it will be the fulfillment of God's promise. "While I’ve been waiting to live, my life’s been waiting on me, I’m gonna run, No I’m gonna fly, I’m gonna know what it means to live and not just be alive". Can you say that today? Are you living the life you were created to live, or are you just alive, breathing in and exhaling out, waiting for the inevitable to be fulfilled? I choose life! I choose to help others more than I help myself, I choose to live my life dancing even when the music isn't playing my song! How about it, are you going to live? Are you going to fly? "Say I won't". I dare you.

"Say I Won't"

Coach Carter

 

Doing Good

"Do not let yourselves get tired of doing good. If we do not give up, we will get what is coming to us at the right time." Galatians 6:9 NLV. This encouraging statement written by the Apostle Paul to the church in Galatia is as true today as it was when Paul shared it 2,000 years ago. What is it about doing good that would be so hard that people would give up? Is it really a choice that we should have to make? In our minds if we are given two options one with bad consequences and the other with good outcomes do we really have to debate the right choice to make? Unfortunately, at least in my life, making the decision to choose "doing good" over doing what I want to do often makes for a not so positive outcome. How about you? Is doing good a priority in your life?

Paul was without a doubt one of the best coaches of all time. So many instances of Paul encouraging the early Christians to stay the course, never give up, and always choose good over evil. If you put things in perspective, Paul's challenge to the Galatians was a big ask. The Romans were persecuting Christians for their beliefs, the world had condemned and crucified the Son of God, and worldly living was in high gear. It sure would have been a great deal easier to just follow suit. Yet, Paul said don't stop doing what you know is right to do, don't quit serving, helping, giving, and placing others in front of yourself. Don't quit, even when the odds are stacked against you, or when the world view says "go ahead and do what makes you feel good". In those instances, Paul said "do not grow tired of doing good." I'm sure many from the early church were thinking, but why not go ahead and take the easy way out, why would we choose to do good, when it would have been a great deal easier to choose to do what the flesh wanted to do. 

That's just it. Taking the easy way out is like choosing the wide path over the narrow one that Jesus described in Matthew 7:13-14, “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. ¹⁴ But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." In other words, you have a choice to make, either take the wide road that offers a wide variance away from what would be deemed "doing good", or choose the narrow road that offers a much tighter selection of options all centered on "doing good". Of course, it is easier to choose what the body wants to do over what we ought to be doing, why do you think there are so many people making New Year's Resolutions about dieting? If you placed a plate of broccoli and a bowl of homemade vanilla ice cream in front of me, that's a pretty easy choice I love homemade vanilla ice cream, but is it the "good" choice for my health? Probably not in the long run. That's why it is so hard to keep doing good. We are much more interested in doing what is easy or what feels good, but many times that is exactly the opposite of what the right choice to make is. We get caught in the dilemma of doing what "feels" good instead of choosing to simply "do good". 

The problem is that "doing good" usually relates to something that will benefit others, many times more than it will benefit self. Obviously, doing what "feels good" usually benefits us more than it does others which is where the point of today's message lies. We all face this challenge of choosing to "do good". What we have to realize is that our choice to "do good" is going to have an impact on the lives of others. Family, co-workers, friends, and even those you pass on the street each day on your way to work or school. It isn't easy to always choose to do good, if it was then Paul wouldn't have written the scripture encouraging the Galatians to not give up on doing good. He realized it was a struggle, but a struggle that was worth the fight. Whatever you do, whenever you are faced with a choice, remember it would probably be easier to choose what "feels good" to do, but if we stay the course, if we choose to "do good", we will reap the rewards of our diligence when it is our time to be rewarded. It is time to ask yourself the question, am I living my life for me, or am I living my life for Christ? The life God has provided me is not mine, it is His and I am just a vessel for His use. My prayer is that God will find me worthy to be filled and poured out over and over again. If that happens I believe without a doubt that in due season, I will reap my reward. Thank you Father for the opportunity to serve! 

Choose to DO GOOD!

Coach Carter

Having 20/20 Vision in 2021

 

To say that we are all looking forward to a brighter year in 2021 would probably rank as a huge understatement for this fledgling new year, yet as we look forward we do so with a totally different perspective in hand. It would be easy to place the past year 2020 deep into the recesses of our memories and hurriedly move into 2021 with blinders on, but I think we need to use this past year as a way of measuring where we want to go and what it is going to take for us to get there as this new year kicks off with a high level of uncertainty and a tantamount degree of inspirational hope and fortitude. 

If we had the superpower of hindsight and were able to see all that would unfold in 2020 would we have ended 2019 a little differently some 365 days ago? Would our focus have been different as we made those "New Year Resolutions"? Where would time with family ranked in our plans for 2020? What about work, how many of us gave a thankful thought to the job we had as 2019 closed and the state of our steamrolling economy? Was there any reason for us to think that the conditions of where we were at on New Year's Eve 2020 would have us wondering if we would have a job to go to, and an economy that we can believe will be sturdy enough to carry our country going forward? Only if you had a crystal ball and could see into the future would be my guess. We talk about hindsight being 20/20, and I fully believe that is a tried and true statement, but what are we going to do in 2021 now that we are armed with the experiences of a devastating year of pain, struggle, and loss? Those who can't see and don’t learn from the experiences of the past are those that are truly blind, but those that soulfully reflect on the lessons and adversities of 2020 and then make the informed decision to make 2021 different from the onset will be the ones whose vision in 2021 will be 20/20 clear.

I think about the parable Jesus shared with his disciples as they asked Him about when Jesus would return to the earth in Matthew 24:42-44. Jesus compared the timing of His second coming to that of a thief in the night. If the homeowner knew the hour that the thief was coming, he would be up and ready to defend his home is the message of this familiar parable. If men had the day and time on a calendar signaling the return of Jesus, then everyone would be living for self, right up till the night before and then set things right with God before going to bed that night. I would share with you that I believe the vast majority of us were asleep when the thief came to our house at 12:01 January 1, 2020. 

Unprepared for what hit our community, state, nation, what the heck the entire world, we entered 2020 like we had every other year prior to that for most of our lives. My wife and I were reflecting back to the uncertainty that we experienced on New Year's Eve 1999, and how the world held its breath when the clocks and calendars rolled over to 2000. Uneventful, yet we entered that new year aware that there was a potential for massive shutdowns of computerized controls if the computers couldn't accurately adapt to the change from the 1900's to the new millennium. Stock piles of food and water were compiled, a little extra cash on hand was advised, and the homeowner sat up watching for the thief all night that particular eve. But what about 2021? Saddled with all of the angst and hurtful experiences of 2020, how will you enter this new year 2021? 

Will we enter 2021 with a renewed focus on the importance of our relationships? We could not have fathomed the extent of pain and loss that the COVID-19 pandemic would wreck on our families and friends at the beginning of 2020. Many were under the impression that by February of last year the virus would be gone and life would be trucking along much like 2019 ended, full speed ahead. Armed with the experiences of 2020 will we enter this new year with those same blinders on or will we place relationships of all categories as a priority for 2021? Lesson learned don't take your family for granted. Don't put off visiting or checking in on those you care about till tomorrow, make it a priority today. Thankful that you have a job, a source of income, and the ability to take care of yourself and your family? Millions of people around the world had a job, a business, or a steady source of income at the beginning of 2020, yet today unemployment and closures of small and large businesses alike have hit totals unlike any other time since the Great Depression of 1929. Can we all agree that being thankful for our job should be a daily thanksgiving in 2021? 

And what about your faith? I think it is safe to say that there were very few people at the end of 2019 on their knees, bowed down, praying for the virus to not take away our loved ones or for our lives to not be halted by the surge and spikes we have "survived" throughout this past year. But here we are, the beginning of a new year, the first days of the year two thousand twenty-one and my question to you is how are you going to enter this year that will be different from how you have started the past 10, 20, 30, or even 50+ years? Are you going to go it alone for another year? There is hope that vaccines will change the trajectory of the virus and that our lives will metamorphosis back to some semblance of "normal", but even if this man-made vaccine does stymie the advance of the pandemic, will your life be the same in 2021 as it has been in years leading up to our current status? Will you enter 2021 going it alone or will you draw near to God who in turn will draw near to you? (James 4:8) Each person has a decision to make as we enter 2021 armed with the knowledge gained through the experiences of hindsight from the year 2020. 

There is no doubt we are living in a different world today as we begin the new year 2021. Lessons have been taught, but the question remains did we learn anything from those lessons? If we continue living in 2021 the way we were living at the end of 2019 and throughout tumultuous 2020, then I would suggest we haven't really gained any knowledge. We have been taught, but knowledge gained is only evidenced in the changes we make based on what we have learned. Throughout this year, I have gained a better appreciation for relationships. Friends, family, colleagues, and for mankind in general. I have looked at the forgiveness I was holding hostage, and reflected on how God forgave me when I most certainly didn't deserve it. That has given me a different perspective on love and the gift of sacrifice that God gave each of us through the life and death of His Son Jesus. Finally, I can see that although the future is not laid out on a map in front of me, I know who holds that future and I am going to be thankful and grateful for each day that my Lord and God gives me to live, love, and cherish. What will the state of your vision be in 2021? You make the choice and then leave the rest up to Emmanuel, God is with us!

Coach Carter