Hand Up Or Hand Out?

     You probably are familiar with the old proverb that states, "Give a man a fish and he will eat today. Teach a man to fish and you will feed him for a lifetime." That proverb holds true in so many ways today and it is critically important that we all follow the sound advice of the sage that first imparted this message of education and self-reliance.
     We all want our children to be independent and to develop the skill set which will allow them to be self sustaining while achieving success in life through the process. Yet in school we want our children to learn, but we don't want them to fail in their goal of making straight A's. In athletics many times we sacrifice and forget the benefits of a good old fashioned butt kicking and what that can inspire us to do in response. We want our kids to have it better than we did as young adults so we buy a new car for them and we don't expect anything effort wise in return on their part. Then, later in life we spend our time giving to charities, working in nonprofits, and earnestly seeking to find additional methods and programs to provide even basic needs to individuals that never really had the opportunity to creatively find a solution to their dilemma or situation.
     When we fall down it's great to have a support system to give us a hand up, but probably the worst thing we can do is to continue to provide a hand out with no responsibility or no accountability connected to the gift. A thin line exists between a hand up and a hand out. It is your job as a parent, employee, business owner, educator, or whatever position you hold to decide how much is needed and how much is too much help.
     Keep in mind that during life's struggles regardless of what level we are talking about the lesson is probably worth more than the outcome. If we learn that when we reach onto a hot stove top we get burnt then more than likely we won't make that same mistake twice. The same principle applies to pretty much everything in life. If we have to figure out how to overcome an obstacle in life, the next time we run into a similar situation it won't be anything but something we have to endure or apply prior knowledge to for a positive outcome.
     I'm a firm believer in helping those in need, but we have to be so careful not to take away someone's independence and make them dependent on someone or something to give them a handout before they can make it through the day. Being trapped in dependency is a sad place to be and unfortunately we have a large percentage of our population dependent on family, friends, organizations, and our government.
      We can't place the blame solely on those that are trapped in dependence. Someone had to help them get there and more than likely you and I participated in doing just that. Like I said before there is a thin line that exists between a hand up and a hand out. A hand up implies that I want you to do the work and I will be there to guide you, oversee your progress, and make suggestions along the way as you encounter challenges. A hand out, on the other hand, (no pun intended) creates a situation where the recipient of the help has to do absolutely nothing to receive the help that is being provided. Remember the fishing parable? Well unfortunately the same is true in a negative sense. If you give a hand out you are teaching a lesson, just wait and someone will do it for you or give it to you. Now don't get me wrong I am an advocate of lending a hand, but in our society today we must start expecting something in return for the help and more importantly we must start teaching those that need help how to "fish" for their own benefit.
     Looking back on my own life's experiences I can honestly say that when I have struggled, when I faced adversity, and even when I have encountered defeat I have learned more, grown more, and learned to persevere more than I ever would have if I had just been given a free ticket out of the mess I created. It's encouraging to know someone is there to lend a helping hand, but it is so much more beneficial when we overcome the struggle and realize our grit, creativeness, and tenacity all contributed in making us stronger more self-reliant individuals.
     In closing today's thought I am reminded of the parable of the talents found in Luke chapter 19. The master gave a portion of his wealth to three of his servants and told them to take care of it while he was away. Two of the servants invested their part and made additional money for the master. The third servant hid his master's money and upon the master's return was only able to give him back exactly what he had left in the servant's care. The master gave the two servants what they had earned because they had made good use of the gift. The third servant's portion was taken from him and given to one of the other servants. The whole time the master's goal was to teach his servants how to be self-reliant and creative in their endeavors. The third servant was trapped by fear and uncertainty and would not take a chance on improving his situation or his masters. Don't allow those you love to become trapped in an eventual cycle of expecting someone else to do what they need to be doing. The next time you are faced with a decision about giving a hand up or a hand out, grab a fishing pole and teach'em to fish!
Coach Carter