This One Thing

 What is "true love"? I know in my own family, we tell each other "I love you" before we hang up on a call, head out the door to work, and before we go to bed each night. When we sign a birthday card, we write, "Love, Chuck & Missy", and over the past thirty-seven years I have pledged my love to my best friend and partner for life. Across the world the methods for expressing the emotion of "love" are countless and in your own unique world, I'm certain that you and your family share your emotional compassion for one another through a plethora of traditions, rituals, and verbalizations. But, back to my original question, what is "true love"? We say it in numerous ways, we show it in a variety of actions and deeds, but what would be a definition that could serve as a model for us all in understanding what it means to say "I love you"? 

I know in my own childhood, our family was not one to express our emotions very well. I know my mom and dad loved me, but I don't recall them sharing those three words on a regular, daily basis. Their demonstration of love was made through the hard work they did and the opportunities they created for Bob, Donna, and I. They always made sure we had what we needed to the point that they would do without so we could have what we needed.  As I grew and matured and started dating, I fell "in love" too many times to count. Valentine cards proclaimed "I love you" and the words began to flow across my lips as relationships ebbed and flowed through my high school and college years. But when I met my future wife Missy, the words "I love you" suddenly took on a completely different meaning. Not to get too mushy, but pretty quickly, I knew in my heart that I would do anything necessary to take care of and protect Missy and I wanted to do that for the rest of my life! Hence our 37 years of marriage. I knew I would do whatever it took to take care of and protect her, even to the point of sacrificing myself for her well-being. As our family grew with the birth of our daughter and son and eventually the addition of our nephew/son, that emotional feeling of love continued to grow as well. To say "I love you" to my kids and now as adults to their kids, basically means I would do anything, go anywhere, and give up whatever it takes to help them in their time of need. I believe the most concise definition of "true love" can be expressed by "this one thing", sacrifice. 

International Pastor and evangelist Chip Ingram often says that love is best characterized as "giving someone what they need most, when they deserve it least, at great personal cost". For me the key phrase in that definition is "at great personal cost". It's easy to say you love someone, and it is easy to show someone you love them when things are going smoothly, but when things get bumpy and the feelings of "love" appear to be distant or dissipating, that is when there is a place where making a personal sacrifice becomes paramount. As Pastor Ingram states, when we make that personal sacrifice that infringes on our day to day person, then we can say we are demonstrating "true love". The sacrifice I'm envisioning here isn't a tangible sacrifice, but more of an internal sacrifice. We may be angry at the actions or choices of the person, but we sacrifice our desire to see the person pay for their actions, and show empathy and compassion instead. When we are hurt it becomes easy to want retribution, but if we truly love someone we sacrifice our emotional hurts because we have a connection to the other person that surpasses our "me centered" societal understanding. And where do you think Chip Ingram created his philosophy on "true love"? That answer is the core of our time together today.

If true love is demonstrated in giving someone what they don't deserve, but doing so when they need it most, and when that love is given with a great deal of personal sacrifice then we have the prime example shared with us in the sacrificial life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. Jesus came to this world to teach us how to love. His life was a demonstration of giving us something we didn't deserve, when we needed it the most, and at the ultimate cost of giving His life on the cross so we could gain forgiveness of our own sin-stained lives. In I John 4:9-10, the Apostle John shares, "This is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. The Apostle Paul penned the following context, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8. The "this" being referenced in both passages is the one thing that ultimately demonstrates "true love", sacrifice.

As we go about our day to day lives, I hope that you have people in your life that you have the opportunity to tell them you love them. Sacrificial love for my wife, children, and grandchildren is easy. I would gladly give my life for any of them without a second thought. But loving those outside of our immediate family is a totally different concept. This world is full of hurting people, people that need to experience this same type of sacrificial love. When asked what the greatest commandment was, Jesus was quick to reply, "... "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 22:37-39. Love God, the most basic commandment there could be, but loving the unloveable, those we don't see eye to eye with, those that are hurting and our brothers and sisters around the world. Whether they are family or complete strangers doesn't matter, we are called to demonstrate true sacrificial love to them just as Jesus displayed true love for you and for me at a time when I knew I didn't deserve it, but needed it most, "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. I John 3:16. This one thing, the one thing that truly makes all the difference in the world, changes saying we love someone to showing them what true love is. Choose this one thing, sacrifice for the sake of others, love the way that you are loved, and live each day as the opportunity it is.

Coach Carter