The Path

"Train up a child in the way that he should go: and when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6. It would be hard to argue that "training" or educating our children isn't one of the top priorities in any society. Primarily the responsibility of parents; teachers, coaches, and other influencers provide a mentoring role in the lives of our young people, and are tasked with preparing the next generation of leaders. Of course, as an educator that "raising" includes learning to read and then teaching students how to read to learn. Math, science, and history also rank up there as significantly important, along with all the other academic and non-academic courses our children take throughout their educational experience. Those are critical no doubt, yet there are skills and lessons that will prepare our children for life that we must ingrain in their hearts, minds, and souls. The inherent problem here is that the skills I'm talking about are tough lessons to learn and in most instances they hurt physically, psychologically, or even in both ways many times. Today's message titled "The Path" is related to a question a preacher once asked, "Are you preparing the path for the child, or are you preparing the child for the path?" That is a tough question to ask today, but even more so, it is a tougher question to answer if you are one of the aforementioned path builders listed above. 

I'm pretty certain that most of us have heard the old adage, "the path to destruction is paved with good intentions", well that aptly fits our message today. As parents we obviously want what is best for our children. Teachers want their students to all make straight A's, and what coach doesn't want their athletes to feel successful and accomplished in the sport they are coaching. The danger therein lies in determining what is "best" for our proteges, best for their future and the progress of society. My parents grew up during the aftermath of the Great Depression, they did without, but so did everyone else. As parents they wanted to ensure that Bob, Donna, and I had a "better" life than what they experienced as children. I'd go out on a limb a little and say they actually gave us a little more than what we needed and with much less toil and sweat than what they experienced as children and young adults. Fortunately for us, we learned a great deal about hard work from both of our parents and that has made the difference in our lives. Fast forward to a more current day, and you will find a generation that wants a better life for their children, but I'm not so sure this generation wants their children to face the struggle and even disappoint that accompanies that "better" life. 

By preparing the path for the child, we remove any obstacles that lie ahead, we straighten the path so children don't have to risk wrecking in the curves, and we fill in all the potholes along the way so that the path is smooth and easy to navigate. But, how does this look in the real world of raising children you ask? I thought you would never ask! Fixing arguments between classmates, expecting our child to never make below an "A", or wanting your child to be the star of the team regardless of the effort they invest or the dedication they commit are just a few examples of paving the path for our children. Each of these would be considered commendable efforts today in the realm of parenting, but the actual price tag to obtain these should be earned and paid for by the child, and that is where our quandary lies today. If we pave the path for the child then we remove the actual things that will build up two critical attributes, perseverance and resilience. By not allowing the younger generation to stumble and even fall at times, they won't learn to get back up and to carry on even if the possibility of falling again may still exist. Think about it this way, a baby actually learns to walk by falling down numerous times. Each plop on their behind creates a neuro memory of what happened that didn't work, the child may not even recognize the learning through the experience, but the resilience and perseverance of wanting to walk around like everyone else serves as the foundation of learning through our struggles. Conflict resolution is a key life skill for us all, but often today, the term "bullying" is used to label what may actually be a lesson in learning to not get along with someone, an important skill that is expected in the world of work and in life. (Note: I am in no way disregarding the presence of bullying, I am a certified Anti-Bullying trainer and a huge advocate for those that are truly experiencing bullying and support any effort to stop bullying in our schools. There is no place for that type of behavior in this world, and definitely not in the lives of our children.)  In sports, in most cases, the victories go to the ones that put in the hard work and when they don't win those athletes don't look for someone to blame. The bottom line here is this: we can't pave out the path for our children, in doing so we do more long term harm than short term gain. I never had to worry about getting straight "A's" in school, but over my 33 years in education I have witnessed my share of exemplary students with outstanding GPAs. I would suggest that the struggle to get those straight "A's" will have more of a lasting impact on setting goals and then obtaining them than the grades recorded on their transcript. And when the "A" isn't there, that is where the resilience and grit of overcoming adversity rises to the top. I say all of this to express the thought that having high expectations for our children should be the norm, but when their best doesn't represent perfection, or when the challenge they are facing begs for us to interfere, it may be best for us to allow the struggle and thus build the path in the child. 

The psalmist's advice from the lead into our message today would probably tell us that "the struggle" is worth its weight in gold. In other words, preparing the child for the path that lies ahead will pay off down the road. The Apostle Paul commented that he learned how to be content through the hardships of life (Phil. 4:11-13) and the author of the Book of James stated that we should consider it pure joy when we face trials because those trials ultimately produce perseverance and if we persevere we will be complete and mature. (James 1:2-4) By preparing the child for the path rather than the former, we place the child in a position to be successful in life and to handle the bumps in the road along the way. By smoothing out the rough spots in their journey we unintentionally put them at a disadvantage when the stakes are much higher and we as the caring adult are no longer able to intervene and swoop in for the save. It is our job to prepare our children for the ups and downs of life, and part of that is to allow them to grow through adversity. The seed does not turn into the flower until it struggles to reach the surface and then breaks through to ultimately see its full potential. 

As our time together comes to a close today, I want to be the first to admit that I was not the stellar parent in this area of life and I made my fair share of mistakes. I'm working harder in the lives of our grandchildren. We want to encourage them to attempt hard things. Not impossible things, but things that stretch their abilities and their perseverant mind sets. I don't applaud when they fall short, but I cheer when they get back up and give it another try. At the core of all of the struggle and defeat, I want to assure them that they are not alone. Just as Jesus promised His disciples that He would always be with them in their struggles, I want my children, my grandchildren, and all those that I coach or support to know that I am there for them. (John 16:33). 

Training up our kids in the way they should go since 1986 and learning something new every day!

Coach Carter