At a work retreat I attended last week in Baltimore the keynote speaker Nick Rodriguez, shared this jewel with those in attendance. His advice went something like this, "When you are making any decision, keep the long-term outcomes as your vision and purpose. Many times, the short-term results will not look pretty, but keep the long-term goal as your driving force and base your plans on that long-term objective." Delayed gratification. In education and in sports the teacher/coach has a long-term outcome in mind, we want our students/athletes to learn the content and skills that we teach them and then be able to successfully apply that learning to real world situations. Sounds simple enough right? You'd think so, but in today's society, so many people are seeking instant gratification over any situation where hard work precedes the payoff. Avoid the struggle, remove the barriers, and take the easy way out appears to be the accepted mantra of way too many folks.
Over the weekend, my sister shared a positive note from this past week in her fourth-grade classroom, it resonated well with the whole idea of delayed gratification. At the beginning of the school year she had a student that she could immediately tell had the potential to be an outstanding learner. She pushed this student to be the best they could be. Inadvertently, his grades dropped a bit due to the rigorous challenges that my sister was placing on her student. The parent, contacted my sister concerned about the extra push and the slight slip in grades. Was he being pushed too hard? Could he really do the work she was expecting him to do? Assurances were given and as the year progressed so did the student's academic growth. At the end of this last week, Donna received a note from the parent thanking her for pushing her son this year and providing him with the opportunity to expand his learning and increasing his resilience in the face of adversity. Delayed gratification.
As she shared her story, one of my own experiences came to mind that fit perfectly into our conversation around delayed gratification. In volleyball the preferred way to serve the ball is overhanded, which can be a challenge to master for many of our players. Being the kind of coach I am, I place more emphasis on the positive growth of my players over any number of championships I might be a part of with my teams. (Don't think I'm not out there trying to win, I am a competitor to the end!) A couple of years ago, I was coaching in our summer league and most of the girls on our team had not mastered their overhand serve. We were losing every match and, in some part, it was due to the other teams allowing players to serve underhanded if they couldn't consistently serve overhanded. After one of our matches a dad approached me about allowing the girls to serve underhanded. My response has become my go to for all such conversations. "If you can find me a basketball coach that teaches their players to shoot foul shots the old "granny style" between the leg’s way, then I'll let our girls serve underhanded.” I went on to explain that the goal of a summer league like this should be to get the girls ready for middle or high school competitive volleyball and that the overhand serve would be necessary to successfully make the team at that level. I could tell he understood what my goal was and we left with a common understanding. As the season progressed I noticed that this particular player's serve was getting stronger and she was beginning to get some serves in. By the end of the season, she had become our most consistent, dependable server. You could see the joy on her face, and the pride her parents displayed from the stands. What I didn't know, but found out later, was that after our chat earlier that season the dad had went home and constructed a makeshift volleyball court for his daughter to get extra practice in on her overhand serve. I'm not sure if I was prouder of the young athlete for mastering her serve, or if I was more impressed with this dad who bypassed the instant gratification of seeing his daughter's team win using a skill that would not impact her chances of making her middle school team and worked with her to conquer the serve. Delayed gratification at its best.
At times we are all the coach or the teacher, what I want to make sure we all realize is that more often we are the student that needs to learn the lesson and apply it to our own life. How many of us are dealing with situations at work that make you feel like you should just throw up your hands and quit? Is there a situation in your marriage or a relationship that makes you just want to throw in the towel and call it quits? How about finances? You want what your neighbor has and you want it now! (Going into debt to satisfy that instant gratification may not be the best idea.) What about health issues? Anyone out there wanting to ask God "Why?" Why am I going through this health complication? Why was I born with this debilitating disease? Maybe it is time we started asking "What" instead of "Why".
God, what do you want me to do through this situation or circumstance I am facing? God what can I do through this affliction or adversity that will help others see you living in me? God what is your purpose for this life you have given me to live? What do you want me to do God, so that the life I have been given will impact the lives of those you intended me to impact when I was created? If we focus on the short-term situations in our lives, we will most certainly miss out on the long-term purpose that we were placed on this earth to accomplish. It may feel better to take the easy way out, it might decrease the discomfort or pain temporarily, but is that what God wants for us? I don't think so.
Jesus
told His disciples, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may
have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have
overcome the world.” Matthew 16:33. Delayed gratification! We may have to
endure pain today, but we have the promise of peace for eternity. Others may
appear to get there quicker and never seem to have to wait it out, but God's
purpose for your life is unique and if we will stay the course His plan will be
fulfilled in us and through us!
Each day we face the challenge of keeping our eye on the prize God has set for our life, yet way too many of us aren't willing to stay the course and struggle through to reach God's purpose. We want everything to be smooth sailing and when our sails hit winds that cut across our path too often we want to draw in the sails and sit it out or even worse turn around and go back because we don't want to fight the storm. As you set goals for yourself, your family, your marriage, your job, and any other aspects of your life, keep the long-term outcome in mind. In the short term, you will more than likely face adversity and struggles that will cause you to rethink your plans and you may even begin to contemplate giving up. But don't! God has a plan for your life, and if you seek His will the long-term outcome it will benefit so many others for generations to come. Put off the urge to accept the easy instant gratifications in life, and hold out for the long-term goals that are still to come. Delayed gratification!
“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” Galatians 5:16
Coach Carter
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