Right Relationships

    
     I suppose most of us would probably agree that we wish to have healthy relationships in all areas of our lives. Safe assumption? I mean I don't imagine we purposefully wake up each morning thinking who can I get into a heated argument with today?? Yet inevitably many times that is exactly what ends up happening, disagreement over who is supposed to take the kids to practice after school, someone slips in front of you at the drive-thru for your coffee, or the submission you made for a project at work got thrown through the shredder by your supervisor basically signaling that you need to start all over again. In the instances listed above, or in any of a numberless list of deal breakers the potential is there, what potential that exactly is, is completely up to you.
     Obviously, it is the potential for a full-blown argument, or on the hand, it could be the potential for a reasoned discussion of which the outcome may not change, but at least both sides of the situation have been aired and discussed. If we, in our minds, feel like we always have to win, then we are setting ourselves up for a great deal of grief and a potentially miserable life. What if we could shift our minds just a bit to the center of this process? What if we could get to a place where we understood that healthy, right relationships do not equate to you always being right?
     Right relationships do not mean you will be right all the time, some of the time, or possibly a great deal of the time. It just depends on the situation, the circumstances, and the level of significance from the outcome. Some things are not worth arguing about whether you are right or if the other person is right. I witnessed two adult men in a very neutral low energy setting escalate what started out as equal fans of the rock band the Eagles to a heated argument that almost turned into a physical altercation when they disagreed whether a particular person had ever been a member of the band. I seriously thought I was about to be in the middle of a fight over a name of a guy that might have been the drummer of a band in the 1980s! Really. Would it not have been just as easy for one or both of the "men" to have said, "Huh, I'm not 100% positive about that, I'll have to check it out later." Conversation done. And if one of the two persisted, the other could say, "Yeah, you may be right I'm not sure." Then go check it out later and see for yourself. You don't have to be right, right at the that moment.
      I'll let you place yourself in your own situations where you feel like you have to win the discussion, disagreement, or plan. If you have to win every time you get into a conversation, then that means everyone else has to lose. Are you really that all knowing? Do you have all the answers? I'm guessing if you are someone that feels you have to be right all the time you may have just answered both of those questions with a resounding "yes" in your head. Or possibly you are the person on the other side that feels like you are always giving in and you are never right, but in your mind, you feel like you have the answers it’s just that bullheaded person you are dealing with won't listen. Guess what neither one of you are 100% right. You just need to be willing to come to terms with yourself. If you are going to have healthy, right relationships, it is paramount that you understand that you won't always be right.
      When it comes to matters of principle, there is a line that you should draw in the sand. Others are entitled to their opinion, but if you are dealing with a question of right or wrong, a matter of life or death, then agreeing to disagree is always an option and should be kept as an option, but you do not and should not concede that you are wrong. In the book of Colossians Paul gave us a firm directive that speaks to our topic of discussion today. In chapter 3 Paul shares, "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Bearing with each other with compassion, kindness, and patience. Are you practicing those qualities when you are standing in your kitchen debating who was supposed to take the trash out last night? Are you forgiving the other person for being a brainless twit, or are you asking for forgiveness for the person that cut you off on the highway today, praying that he or she will come to terms with their own road rage, and that you won't be drawn into a pointless argument about who was right or wrong?
    My prayer is simple here. I don't have to be right always, I want relationships that are healthy, functioning, and productive. Isn't that what we should all want deep down inside? As we close keep this thought in mind, to have right relationships, you won't always be right! 
Coach Carter