Over the years I've encountered family situations where two relatives haven't spoken in years. One person betrayed the other person or one family member believes a certain way and the other family member diverges from that mindset, so suddenly "I've cut ties with that family member" is the route of least resistance. Obviously, this is not something that is unique to family squabbles, life-long friends are just as suspect to fragmented relationships that many times extend over years and years of "I'm right and they are wrong" justifications. In America, we call this phenomenon "holding a grudge". In the minds of the beholder, the wrong warrants revenge or retribution, "You did me wrong so until you get paid back for doing me wrong I'm done with you." Not only is this way of thinking detrimental to building and maintaining positive relationships, it is my opinion that this method of dealing with negative experiences can only deter our own personal growth as a leader in our homes, families, and places of work or school. Additionally, if we are going to live out a life of a true servant of our Lord and Savior, forgiveness has to be a cornerstone of our faith.
If you have been holding a grudge for any length of time, I'm pretty sure you have justified why you are holding that grudge over and over in your mind and through conversations with others that have confirmed your stance on the issue at hand. That justification may very well be warranted, yet that merit is most certainly of the secular, worldly mindset. A mindshift towards not only forgiveness, but also towards purpose and growth create a totally different approach to addressing a wrong you have encountered. If we want to talk about someone who had a reason to hold a grudge against his family members it would have to be the Biblical figure Joseph. If you think you have a right to be holding a grudge, just look at what Joseph endured and overcame in his own life.
You may be aptly familiar with Joseph's life, but just a quick recap to put things in their proper perspective. Joseph was, at the time of our story, the youngest of the eleven sons of Jacob. Joseph was a favorite of his father which led to some jealousy from the rest of his brothers. Joseph didn't help matters when he shared some dreams with his family which inherently suggested that one day, the brothers and even his father would bow down to him. From there things went downhill for Joseph. His brothers plotted to kill Jacob and make it look like he was attacked by a wild animal. Only through the intervention of one of his brothers, was the decision made to sell Joseph into slavery to a group traveling to Egypt. The brothers did just that, but still convinced Jacob that his youngest son had been attacked and slain by a wild beast. From there, Joseph was placed in Potipher's house only to be falsely accused of rape, imprisoned, lied to by some of his fellow inmates, but eventually vindicated earning him a high ranking position in the Egyptian hierarchy. During the many years of trials and tribulations that Joseph endured, he never gave up on his faith in God. Finally, the dreams Joseph shared with his family from his youth came to fruition. In the midst of a famine, Joseph's brothers came to Egypt to ask for food and provisions. And who do you think this group of co-conspirators had to make their request to? Of course, Joseph himself.
After all the years of reflecting and thinking through the looks on his brother's faces as they sold Joseph into slavery, you would think this is where Joseph's grudge would be avenged. If that was your thought then sorry, wrong answer. Genesis 50:20 shares that not only did Joseph show mercy and forgiveness on the very same brothers that sold him into slavery and stole his life with his family, Joseph stated the following sentiment to his brothers, "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today." That took a lot of humility. His grudge would have been justified by just about anyone in the world, but Joseph opted to forgive and actually embrace the journey by which he landed in one of the highest positions in the Egyptian empire. The key takeaway here is that Joseph recognized and stated that the events from his past were all part of God's eventual plan for good. Talk about grudge busters, the life of Joseph should serve as a model for each of us as we should be forgiving rather than condemning.
Joseph's willingness to forgive his brothers reminds me of another example of forgiveness surpassing a potential grudge. After Jesus was falsely arrested, beaten and tortured, and eventually hung on the cross to die, Jesus looked down on the crowd of onlookers and Roman soldiers and whispered one last prayer to His Father. "Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing ..." Luke 22:34.
In your mind you may have a grudge that in your mind is completely justified. Someone you cared about or someone you trusted broke your heart and destroyed your relationship. Today, I ask you to look at the life of Joseph and what he endured, and then take a moment to place yourself on the cross where Jesus died. If forgiveness over retribution is what their example was, what wrong could be seen as unforgivable in your life? God is merciful to forgive us of our sins, should we not do the same for those that we believe have wronged us? Will you continue to hold a grudge, or will you reach out today and share the same grace that you have been given? Choose forgiveness.
Coach Carter
Finish with the prayer Jesus prayed Father forgive them for they now not what they do. If Joseph followed the example of Jesus and he didn't even know Jesus, what is our excuse for hlding a grudge when we do know about the loving forgiveness of Jesus? Challenge do away with a grudge you have been holding.
