Coach'em Up (Part 4 of 5)

 

As a coach for over 35 years, I have been fortunate to be part of many championships and champions being awarded their gold medal for winning a championship. That has always been an amazing and humbling experience. The hard work, the dedication, the sacrifices, and the determination that it takes to win a championship is not something that just happens because you show up on the mat, court, or field. Whether we are talking about everything that goes into preparing for the game, match, or season, or if we are sharing about the struggle to learn our multiplication facts in 3rd grade, or possibly we are talking about the hard work and effort displayed to earn a new position at work, the need to recognize the effort through celebration is all the same. But, what happens when you don't win the championship? Is there something to celebrate if you work your tail off and then someone else gets the promotion at work? How about the student that gets the 5's, 6's, and 7's mastered, but still needs to get those nasty old 8's and 9's multiplied out in their head? I believe there is celebration to be had in all of those places, it just needs to be authentic and realistic. Today we look at the fourth "C" in our Coach'em Up series, Celebration.

Everyone loves a winner. In competition that's why they have scoreboards to see who wins the match or game. The winner of the match gets his or her hand held high, and the champion gets to stand at the top position on the championship pedestal. In the classroom, we recognize the honor roll, the straight A list, and even the all A's & B's list, and at graduation the valedictorian is given the opportunity to impart words of wisdom on the class due to their academic success. In our relationships at home we celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and milestone accomplishments throughout each year. And at the place where most of us spend a great deal of our waking hours, bonuses, promotions, and plaques of appreciation and success drive us to work harder and achieve more for our company or business. We achieve because we compete. We work hard because we want to excel. We sacrifice our time, our bodies, and our plans so that we can make it to the top of our game whatever area that may be. Everyone loves a winner. 

But, what happens when your team doesn't make the championship run? You relentlessly give it all you got and you still come up short at the promotion table. Your efforts in class tact your stamina, and then at the end of the school year you've still got a "C" average on your final grade. How do we celebrate in those situations? How do we authentically celebrate when the score on the scoreboard clearly indicates that your team lost the set? The answer to that can be tricky. I'm definitely not a fan of the “everyone gets a trophy “mentality. If the goal is participation then sure award being present and breathing throughout the season. I believe there are ways to celebrate throughout a season of life whether you or your team win the championship or if at the completion of the season you have reached set goals that were created before the season began. 

Setting goals gives us a target. In volleyball, I teach players to pick out a spot to serve to on the other side of the court and then hit the ball to that spot. I proceed to explain that otherwise you are just hitting a ball and hoping it goes somewhere, anywhere. Having a destination gives us a target, having a target gives us a goal, and working towards accomplishing that goal gives us a reason to celebrate as we progress towards reaching that goal. Setting individual goals as opposed to team only goals creates an opportunity for celebration regardless of the outcome on a scoreboard. So many times, dejection is the only associated emotion when a team loses the game. I get it, I compete to win, probably as hard if not harder than most people out there, but at the end of the day, winning is not my only goal in coaching. Progress towards achieving a personally set goal is really what I measure success by in my coaching/teaching. 

Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.” We all enter a season expecting to win the championship. The amount of effort and time dedicated to that goal has a direct impact on the likelihood of reaching that type of goal. But when we don't reach the gold championship have we lost all reason to celebrate? Based on this scripture from Proverbs above the answer would be a resounding "NO". We set plans, we set a course to reach our plan/goal, then we execute in the most prepared way possible, and sometimes we still fall short of the goal of winning the championship. If we have set realistic individual goals then the celebration can still be authentic and intentional. Isn't the goal of any competition truly to get better at whatever it is you are competing? If we have done our job correctly as a coach or as a teacher (interchangeable) then each player, student, or member of our "team" should have short term and long term goals set and a plan on how to reach the goal and how to measure the success of the goal. Always, always, did I say always, keeping in mind that just because our plan is to win the state championship doesn't mean we are going to reach that goal, mainly because God has a plan and it may not include winning the championship at all. We just have to do our job, work as hard as possible, never give up on a goal, and learn to face adversity or affliction as opportunities to grow, and then keep pushing forward with those individual goals sitting in front of us! 

Celebrate authentically and often!

Coach Carter

Coach'em Up (Part 3 of 5)

 

Well, we are in week three of our "Coach'em Up" series, and today's session is all about confirmation. You might be thinking, if we're winning then that is our confirmation. You may be partially correct, but regardless of the score on the scoreboard, you may be doing everything right and still coming up short at the end of regulation. There's an old saying in education that the students don't care what you know until they know that you care. That simple truth plays well with the concept of confirming your athletes/students/children/ or coworker’s efforts and outcomes. 

When we confirm that someone is doing the right thing, that sends the message that what the person is doing is important, and that their efforts are noticed. You noticing that a student in your classroom has improved their grade in your class, or that they made the highest grade in your class for the first time all year, sends the message that they are important to you and you noticed what they did. When you come home from work and the house is in top notch shape, a little confirmation showing you noticed goes along way. For our athletes, we should always be giving an "E" for their effort, this confirmation allows the player to see that their hard work is paying off. 

It is important to not get caught in the trap of taking things for granted. When we assume that those we coach/teach know how much we notice their efforts or how much we appreciate their attitude then we are leaving out a critical component in the growth mindset of those we work with each day. Developing a growth mindset involves confirming that progress is being made and also that support is there to see the progress result in success, if we stay the course and notch up our investment of time and effort. The other end of the mindset spectrum is the fixed mindset which says play it safe, don't take risks that might make you look like a failure. A person with a fixed mindset won't stretch their limits because they are afraid of failure and looking bad. A little confirmation along the way can keep the wheels turning on progress over perfection most every time. 

So, what does the Bible say about confirmation? Joshua 1:9 tells us to “Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”  Confirming that you are there with your athletes and that you there to support their efforts regardless of the outcomes builds confidence and the vulnerability to step out and try without fear of ridicule or condemnation. If you teach, if you coach, (remember we are all coaches to someone) then it is our responsibility to create a safe zone for those you work with to grow. In Matthew 17:20 Jesus told His disciples, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.” By showing our confidence in our pupils we are confirming that we believe in them and that gives them the strength to continue moving forward. It's too easy to just assume they know you see their efforts and progress, it is a tremendous boost just to hear the simple, sincere phrase, "I can tell you are improving, I've noticed your effort." A paramount reason to confirm effort of those you coach would be found in the book of John 8:31-32, “If you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” Did Paul suffer and experience defeat even though he was a follower of Christ? Weren’t the disciples always a step away from being persecuted and possibly executed because they were doing their Master's calling? Jesus provided this confirmation recorded in John 8 in an effort to say you will have struggles in this life, but if you continue and push forward you will be set free regardless of the chains that man might impose. John 16:33 says "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Jesus literally was providing confirmation to His followers to keep going, keep fighting, keep working towards the goal, because I did and you can too!

When my German Shepard Jazi and I took part in an obedience training class one of the most important aspects of that training was to continually confirm that she was doing whatever the skill was we worked on that particular class. At work, there isn't anything too much more pleasing than to be recognized for doing a good job. In the classroom, a note on a graded paper recognizing hard work and outstanding effort can change the trajectory of a student, and on the court, mat, or field telling your athlete that they are doing a good job all pay big dividends for the recipient of those remarks. Keep the positives coming and focus on the growth and effort! 

You are amazing, stay the course and "Coach'em Up!"

Coach Carter

 

Coach'em Up (Part 2 of 5)

 

My former principal, and now current brother-in-law, taught me something a long time ago as a novice teacher that has always stuck with me and transcends the brick and mortar classroom into so many applications for life. Probably the easiest place to share his guidance would be in the math classroom. More often than not the common practice for a math teacher would be to assign as homework to do the odd or even numbered questions in the textbook. Sometimes that would be around 25 questions, not unreasonable by any means and usually received with a sigh of relief from the class when it was announced that the students were only required to do half the problems. The issue wasn't necessarily the assignment, but more the preparation for giving the assignment. As Mr. Kanipe explained his thought process, he often started with a question such as, "What is the purpose of homework?" To which the expected response was, "To check to see if they understand what was covered in class today." Sounds like a good plan huh? Well this is where the teachable moment came for the apprentice teacher. With that statement in hand Mr. Kanipe would probe into the idea of how much time was spent to confirm that the students got what was covered in class that particular day. If the lesson extended till time for the class period to end and the assignment was made just as the students left the room, then obviously not much time had been given to assuring the students understood the math concept before assigning the "homework" to assure they understood the math skill. Well the logical teacher might respond that when the assignment is checked the next day, any parts of the mathematical process that appear to have given the students trouble would be the focus of the beginning of that next class period. Here's where Glen Kanipe set the hook. "If you send home 20, 30, or more questions and you haven't assured they know how to do the complete math process, then potentially your students are going to go home tonight and do the homework problems incorrectly 20, 30, or more times. Basically, ingraining in the student's mind the wrong process enough times to make them believe they are doing the skill correctly. Now you are going to have to work at breaking the wrong process that you reinforced numerous times, before you can actually teach them the correct process." Here he would ask the question again, "What is the purpose of homework?" To check for understanding correct. So, if you check for understanding in class by doing multiple examples following the I do, we do, you do model of teaching, the "you do" portion of that needs to only be a small number of questions that provide evidence that you can do the simple problems all the way up to the most complex math problem associated with the lesson of the day. Long story, short take away, without correction we literally are reinforcing incorrect behaviors, skills, actions. Correction is not only necessary, but is a paramount component in teaching or as we have established coaching. 

That story has stuck with me and I have used it more often than not in my classroom, on the mat or court, and with my own children. If we allow an athlete to perform a move or skill incorrectly and they actually have some "success" performing the skill incorrectly, then it becomes extremely hard to break that habit. In the athlete's mind, it worked. Yes, it did, but in the long run a bad habit or incorrect technique will be highlighted when the athlete progresses to more advanced play. At work and even more so at home it gets even more challenging to correct incorrect actions or behaviors. In your workplace, you may not want to appear to be the "know it all", but if you have the knowledge and you have been verified as doing your work correctly then by all means you are obligated to correct incorrect behaviors. In the home parents may be under the assumption that there isn't any reason to tell their child that they are doing something wrong. "They'll figure it out on their own" or "Well I don't want to hurt their self-esteem" may be where you are, but that doesn't fare too well for the student in your life whatever age he or she may be. 

Countless references to correction can be found in the Bible, everything from Hebrews 12:6 "For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives.” to "For whom the Lord loves He reproves, even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights." Proverbs 3:12. A key word in each of those scriptures is the word "love". Basically, if we love someone, we are going to correct them when they do wrong, head the wrong direction, are making unwise decisions, or even hitting the volleyball incorrectly. Taking the time to correct bad behaviors, incorrect processes, or dangerous choices requires effort, but it is worth the time invested to modify and align someone that is going astray regardless of what area in life we are discussing.  

Correction is difficult, the easiest thing to do is to allow someone to continue on doing what they believe is the right thing to do and allow them to reap the outcomes as they present themselves along the way. Going back to our scripture in Hebrews, "... the Lord corrects the one He loves", if God loves us enough to show us our erring behavior, and provide us with correction that will make a difference, how can we refuse to correct those we live with, work with, coach, teach, and share life with together each day? My supposition is that correction is important to development, it is a display of care and love, and it is the true pathway to teaching someone how to get it right without practicing it over and over incorrectly until it is founded in mind and/or practice. 

If you love'em, then coach'em up with correction that guides them to success in life!                       

“Behold, how happy is the man whom God corrects, so do not despise the correction of the Almighty."    Job 5:17

 

Coach Carter

Coach'em Up (Part 1 of 5)

 

"I'm not a coach so this week's message isn't for me", you're thinking, but before you tune out on this week's Flat Tire Thought, give me just a minute to convince everyone to read on, reflect, and then share this message. Some of us coach wrestling, some coach volleyball, basketball, football, soccer, track, and don't forget baseball, but beyond the coaching that happens on the playing fields of any particular sport, I am suggesting that we are all coaches in life. Parents should be coaching their children in their school work, their social interactions, and definitely in their walk of faith. I have said for decades that a teacher is one of the most primal examples of a coach that exists. Supervisors and managers at your workplace are definitely coaching their employees up, and when it comes down to it the more experienced student or employee is tasked with "coaching" their less informed comrades up to their level of expertise and knowledge. In life, it isn't as much about what you know as a coach, it's all about how do you share and extend what you know to those that you have an opportunity to grow and prepare. That's why I've titled today's FTM Thought, "Coach'em Up", if we aren't coaching those we have the opportunity to coach up then unfortunately, there's only one other direction we are coaching/teaching them and we surely do not want to be held accountable for that directional slip and slide. 

I'd like to share my 5 C's of coaching in our brief time together today, which I do believe are transferable to pretty much every scenario and role you might encounter along your journey in life. Also keep in mind for those that sit back and say I'm not coaching anyone, by virtue of your inaction you are definitely coaching someone, and more than likely not in the right direction that you surely would want to direct another person's life. The 5 C's are as follows: Construct, Correct, Confirm, Celebrate, and Consequence. Each of these 5 make for a good Flat Tire Ministries Thought for the week, so I believe we will spend the next five weeks looking at one of the "Cs" rather than try to pack them all in one thought. Ready? Let's go!

The first "C" is the action of Constructing. Who builds a house without a plan? In Matthew 7:24-27 Jesus used a parable about the foolish man that built his house on the sand, while the wise man built his house on the rock. Folks that wasn't by chance. The decision to build on rock rather than sand was one that involved some observation, some preparation, and a great deal of planning. Otherwise it probably did look like a good place to build a house on the shore of the ocean, right there in the sandy part of the beach. Basing decisions on just what looks like a good idea is a recipe for disaster. A favorite saying of mine is "failing to plan is like planning to fail". For a coach the practice plan, the season goals, and the constant monitoring and realigning of your plans and goals is paramount to success. Think about a teacher that walks into a classroom and has no plans of what they are going to teach or where he wants to take his students during the 180 days he is their teacher. Might I just say train wreck! So, for the coach, the employer, the parent, the colleague, or the friend that is mentoring a friend your plan of action is critically important. 

So many of us are looking at short term goals as the main target in our coaching responsibilities. If, as a coach, you look at your goal sheet and the number one priority on your list is win the championship this season, then you are only thinking short term goals. Remember the man who built his house on the sand, short timer! Sounds like a good plan today, beautiful view today, but what about down the road when the foundation has sunk a foot or two and the walls are all cracking and falling down? As teachers, the short-term aspect of planning in my mind would be having your focus on state mandated test scores. Sad state of being if we have convinced ourselves that a test score on a 55-minute bubble in your answer test will reveal a child's likelihood of being successful in life. Be careful where you place your focus as a teacher/coach. 

Construct a plan that will build a firm foundation on which the time you invest will create a solid base for the house, the student, the athlete, the child, your partner, your friend, or your colleague you are coaching each day. Your practice plan should include drills to build stamina so that those you coach can be mentally and physically prepared when it is their turn to perform. (I Corinthians 9:27) Any coach worth the whistle around her neck knows that in a strong practice plan there is a progressive aspect. Basically, one thing builds on another. A parent shouldn't expect their daughter to build a tree house, if they haven't first learned how to measure a plank. Coaches don't teach you to shoot a three, until you've learned to dribble the ball effectively, and an employer doesn't hire you to be the manager of the store when the employee hasn't ever run a sales register. Learn and grow, grow and share, share and love. Progression. Finally, in every plan that is constructed there needs to be a goal set and a way to reach that goal. Obviously, in sports winning is a goal otherwise we wouldn't have huge scoreboards at every sporting event regardless of the sport. Grades are on a grade card so we can have a tangible artifact that a child was successful, and at work we can get an idea of how effective our plan was by the red or black totals at the bottom of the spreadsheet. Main point, don't let those things be the main goal in your plan. 

Investing in others, preparing those we coach for what's next in life, and understanding that the time you have with those you are coaching is not infinite, it is definitely finite is of paramount relevance and importance. What do you want those you are coaching to take away from the time you invested in their lives? A legacy of your impact will be placed on every athlete, student, child, or adult you "coach", will it be a positive impact or will it be a negative memory that drives that student to be a better person than you were in their life. Like I said at the beginning, you are a coach, you may not realize it, but don't be deceived, you are coaching each day that you live and breathe. 

I'll leave you with this question in hand. When your students, your athletes, your children, co-workers, or friends remember you, what will they remember about your coaching? Will they remember all the games they won or will it be the accountability, character, and resilience you owned and taught? I've been coaching over 35 years and as far as I can recollect, I don't think I've ever had a former athlete come up to me and say man we won a ton of matches when I wrestled for you in middle school. But, I have had a plethora of athletes that have come up to me over the years and they undoubtedly always mention how the hard, tough practices they endured taught them things about never giving up in life! I promise you this, that is what matters. 

This will conclude the first session of the series we will call the 5 C's of "Coach'em Up"! Tune in next week for our discussion about the second "C" of Correct. 

Coach'em Up!

Coach Carter

Headaches, Heartaches, and Heartbreaks

 

The reality of life is that you are either entering a time of adversity, or you may have just exited out of a chapter of your life where you overcame or laid to rest some type of life changing event, or it is extremely possible that you could be up to your elbows right there in the midst of some life crisis that is causing you daily headaches, heartaches, or unfortunately heartbreaks. No pessimism there, just the reality of life, nobody promised you a rose garden. The rose garden reference is a throwback to an old country and western song's lyrics sang by Lynn Anderson and George (Possum) Jones, "I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden.  Along with the sunshine, there's gotta be a little rain sometime" (Rose Garden). We sometimes want to get down in the ditches with our sorrows and wallow around in the challenges, adversities, and hardships of life, but I believe as followers of the Living God it is our task, no our responsibility, to walk confidently with God enduring and growing through what is lying there in front of us.

Are we to be singing "Oh happy day" when a loved one passes? (Well actually we probably should, they are going to a much better place than where we are. See Philippians 1:23) Joy and solace for the believer is grounded in the faith that there is something far better waiting for those whose faith carries them through the afflictions and adversities of this life. Easy to say, much harder to do. Paul was a poster child for endurance and perseverance when it came to dealing with headaches, heartaches, and heartbreaks. His life of service to God caused him headaches constantly. Imprisoned for his faith, shipwrecked and near drowning, afflicted with a lingering pain in his side, and constantly struggling just to stay out of the cross hairs of the Roman government where he would be eventually become a martyr for his faith in Christ. The fact of the matter though is that Paul constantly kept a positive attitude, he consistently set aside his sufferings for the benefit of the larger picture, and because of his commitment God was able to use him to spread the gospel of Christ across the world in which he lived. 

Paul's life was the epitome of headaches, heartaches, and heartbreaks. I mean even at his conversion to becoming a follower of Christ Paul was temporarily blinded, yet after that conversion He was never the same and lived out the rest of his life serving and saving others for Christ. II Corinthians chapter 4 serves as a testament to the mindset of Paul. In reading verses 7-12 you can just hear the perseverance and victory over adversity in Paul's words, "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.  For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.  So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you." Do you see life in the face of death? Are you at a place in your life where your faith is bigger than your adversities? Or are you one heartache away from giving up or giving in? Stay strong and trust.

We just looked at Paul's encouraging charge to the followers in Corinth and it is obvious that Paul is telling them that their hope for overcoming the life challenges they face is found in their faith. Let me add a couple more verses from the same chapter where Paul ties it all together, "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all, so we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." I read something the other day and oh how applicable it is to our FTM Thought today. "Where reason ends is where faith begins." (Chip Ingram/Living on the Edge) How true that is. If all we see is the headache, the heartache, or the heartbreak then we haven't grasped the knowledge that God is in control, He has a plan beyond anything we can imagine, and He wants us to move forward trusting in Him to fulfill His plan as He will have it be played out. Trust and believe, faith. 

I'll leave you with this thought from the book of John as he quoted Jesus in chapter 8:32 "... you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." Without God, it is impossible to handle the adversities and afflictions of this life. So many questions that we on our own can't answer, and for good reason. We cannot as humans understand the plans that God has in place. We will struggle with loss, we will feel pain in our daily lives, and we will want to question "why??" in many of life's circumstances, but at the end of the day, if we know God, we place our trust in God, and we live our life for God, then we will know the truth of God and His promise of life eternal with Him. We will place our faith in trusting that God knows what He is doing and His plans are never wrong!

Whatever your headache, heartache, or heartbreak is that you are entering, leaving, or currently living in, you are not alone. You have a Great Counselor that is walking thru your situation with you. You may not feel it, you may not even realize it, but you can trust that He is there. Place your faith in front of your feelings and step into the faith that transcends human reasoning. For God is faithful and He never fails. 

Coach Carter