Holding a Grudge

 Over the years I've encountered family situations where two relatives haven't spoken in years. One person betrayed the other person or one family member believes a certain way and the other family member diverges from that mindset, so suddenly "I've cut ties with that family member" is the route of least resistance. Obviously, this is not something that is unique to family squabbles, life-long friends are just as suspect to fragmented relationships that many times extend over years and years of "I'm right and they are wrong" justifications. In America, we call this phenomenon "holding a grudge". In the minds of the beholder, the wrong warrants revenge or retribution, "You did me wrong so until you get paid back for doing me wrong I'm done with you." Not only is this way of thinking detrimental to building and maintaining positive relationships, it is my opinion that this method of dealing with negative experiences can only deter our own personal growth as a leader in our homes, families, and places of work or school. Additionally, if we are going to live out a life of a true servant of our Lord and Savior, forgiveness has to be a cornerstone of our faith. 

If you have been holding a grudge for any length of time, I'm pretty sure you have justified why you are holding that grudge over and over in your mind and through conversations with others that have confirmed your stance on the issue at hand. That justification may very well be warranted, yet that merit is most certainly of the secular, worldly mindset. A mindshift towards not only forgiveness, but also towards purpose and growth create a totally different approach to addressing a wrong you have encountered. If we want to talk about someone who had a reason to hold a grudge against his family members it would have to be the Biblical figure Joseph. If you think you have a right to be holding a grudge, just look at what Joseph endured and overcame in his own life. 

You may be aptly familiar with Joseph's life, but just a quick recap to put things in their proper perspective. Joseph was, at the time of our story, the youngest of the eleven sons of Jacob. Joseph was a favorite of his father which led to some jealousy from the rest of his brothers. Joseph didn't help matters when he shared some dreams with his family which inherently suggested that one day, the brothers and even his father would bow down to him. From there things went downhill for Joseph. His brothers plotted to kill Jacob and make it look like he was attacked by a wild animal. Only through the intervention of one of his brothers, was the decision made to sell Joseph into slavery to a group traveling to Egypt. The brothers did just that, but still convinced Jacob that his youngest son had been attacked and slain by a wild beast. From there, Joseph was placed in Potipher's house only to be falsely accused of rape, imprisoned, lied to by some of his fellow inmates, but eventually vindicated earning him a high ranking position in the Egyptian hierarchy. During the many years of trials and tribulations that Joseph endured, he never gave up on his faith in God. Finally, the dreams Joseph shared with his family from his youth came to fruition. In the midst of a famine, Joseph's brothers came to Egypt to ask for food and provisions. And who do you think this group of co-conspirators had to make their request to? Of course, Joseph himself. 

After all the years of reflecting and thinking through the looks on his brother's faces as they sold Joseph into slavery, you would think this is where Joseph's grudge would be avenged. If that was your thought then sorry, wrong answer. Genesis 50:20 shares that not only did Joseph show mercy and forgiveness on the very same brothers that sold him into slavery and stole his life with his family, Joseph stated the following sentiment to his brothers, "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today." That took a lot of humility. His grudge would have been justified by just about anyone in the world, but Joseph opted to forgive and actually embrace the journey by which he landed in one of the highest positions in the Egyptian empire. The key takeaway here is that Joseph recognized and stated that the events from his past were all part of God's eventual plan for good. Talk about grudge busters, the life of Joseph should serve as a model for each of us as we should be forgiving rather than condemning. 

Joseph's willingness to forgive his brothers reminds me of another example of forgiveness surpassing a potential grudge. After Jesus was falsely arrested, beaten and tortured, and eventually hung on the cross to die, Jesus looked down on the crowd of onlookers and Roman soldiers and whispered one last prayer to His Father. "Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing ..." Luke 22:34. 

In your mind you may have a grudge that in your mind is completely justified. Someone you cared about or someone you trusted broke your heart and destroyed your relationship. Today, I ask you to look at the life of Joseph and what he endured, and then take a moment to place yourself on the cross where Jesus died. If forgiveness over retribution is what their example was, what wrong could be seen as unforgivable in your life? God is merciful to forgive us of our sins, should we not do the same for those that we believe have wronged us? Will you continue to hold a grudge, or will you reach out today and share the same grace that you have been given? Choose forgiveness. 

Coach Carter

Finish with the prayer Jesus prayed Father forgive them for they now not what they do. If Joseph followed the example of Jesus and he didn't even know Jesus, what is our excuse for hlding a grudge when we do know about the loving forgiveness of Jesus? Challenge do away with a grudge you have been holding. 

 

Preach On

 Singer-songwriter Ryan Stevenson has a new song out on the airwaves entitled "Preach". Stevenson's latest Contemporary Christian hit poignantly delivers the message that our lives should be the message about our faith. As we live out each day do we spend our time telling people that we are followers of Christ, or does the life we live each day share the message without us even saying a word? "Preach On" is today's FTM Thought, what exactly does that look like? Read on and Preach!

For those that do not necessarily have a firm relationship with our Lord and Savior hearing the word "preach" creates an image of someone condemning their lifestyle. For others "preaching" is equated to teaching or sharing the Good News of salvation and the offer of eternal life in Heaven with our Creator. For me, I fall in the camp of Stevenson's song. I want my life to live out my faith in God as our omnipotent and omniscient creator. I want my life not just my words to deliver the message that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and that Jesus came to this earth to teach us how to live out a life of service to God and fulfill our commitment to be fishers of men and expand the Kingdom of Heaven. So what does that look like? I thought you'd never ask. 

Have you ever watched a movie with the sound muted? My guess is probably not, but I had a similar type experience several years ago. I watched a movie that was in a completely different language from my native English. There were no subtitles, so honestly the only means by which I could figure out what was going on and the storyline of the movie was by the actions of the people in the movie. To be quite honest, it was a highly enjoyable movie experience, with not a single word throughout the movie in a language I could interpret. The director of the movie and the actors were able to draw me in and convey the theme, plot, and sentiments of the movie via their actions. Would your life convey the love of Christ if you suddenly were unable to convey the message verbally? Would your life preach without words? 

In James 2:18, the author James makes a clear point about our faith. "But someone will say, "You have faith and I have works." Show me your faith without works and I will show you faith by my works." For me James is challenging us to live out our faith by our actions and not by telling others about our actions to convince them that we are followers and servants of the Living God. Preach on. 

When we are down in a valley, our words won't carry us through, but our faith in God during those valley chapters of life will be our source of strength and fortitude. When we make a choice to serve rather than being served, our faith is on display and we don't have to say a word. When things get tough, and we all understand things do get tough, we rely on our faith and we stay the course while God works things out just the way that they need to work out. Our faith should be lived out not spoken out. I want people to ask me why I'm always smiling and why I seem to be happy all the time. That smile and the happiness in my heart are directly correlated to my faith that God is in control and one day I will enter His Kingdom! Yet, while I am here on this earth, I want my life to demonstrate my trusting faith in the One True Living God! Preach on! 

Coach Carter

It Takes One

It takes two people to communicate. Without a two-way channel, one lone person is just talking to himself. Any effective communication requires two people, transversely the same is true for non-productive communication. I suppose you can label an argument as a form of communication, ineffective and non-beneficial most certainly, yet arguing is in essence a form of communication. For all the things in life that it takes two people to successfully accomplish, unfortunately, arguing also fits in that category. 

You most likely have heard the old saying, "It takes two to Tango", referencing the ballroom dance form of the late 1800's and early 1900's. I'm not very well versed in ballroom dancing, but based on my experiences most styles of ballroom dancing do require two people working in a synchronized manner. I suppose you could say the same thing for two people who are cast into an argument, two people are engaged in a back and forth synchronized manner, often shifting from a conversation to often a case of heightened screaming and ultimately the potential for more intense interaction between the two folks. What I want you to do right now is imagine a scene in your mind where two folks are caught up in a verbal argument. Hopefully that wasn't too easy for you to visualize. Now in your mind I want you to remove one person from the scene you have created in your mind. When I went through this mental practice in my mind, what was left was a person babbling to himself, looking pretty silly to be completely honest. It takes two to have an argument, squabble, or even a yelling match. The Apostle Paul offers us some Biblical guidance on arguing, or better yet, not arguing. 

"Again I say, don't get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights. A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people's hearts, and they will learn the truth." II Timothy 2:23-25.

In other words, it only takes one to not argue. Paul admonishes his young protege Timothy to not engage in pointless arguments where people are fussing for the sake of fussing. Instead, Paul points out that by being a servant of God we "must not" quarrel and instead be patient and model empathy for the other person's point of view. The goal is to be an example of God's love and through that demonstration others  see God living in you and through you. 

A thought to consider, if we, as the hands and feet of our Lord and Savior are to serve as His ambassador to a lost world, how will we ever appear different from this world if we are partaking in fussing and fighting just like the world? It takes two to argue, it only takes one to be God's example of love in the midst of the trials and adversity that we encounter. The choice is yours, choose love and peace. 

Coach Carter

Light vs Night

 

I recently inserted a new nightlight in one of our bathrooms which now provides a little extra illumination in our otherwise dark interior bathroom. Unbeknownst to me this particular nightlight is equipped with a sensor that increases the brightness of the light the darker the room is. How I uncovered this bit of new knowledge is the impetus for today's Flat Tire motivation. 

Early in the morning, I tend to keep the rooms calm and quiet as I begin my devotional time. I don't turn on music, the TV, and only one lamp. That being said, as I walked into the bathroom the first morning after plugging in the nightlight, the hall and adjoining rooms were still dark from the night, but as I entered the room the light popped up a notch and suddenly the room got a little lighter. Hmmm, what about me entering the room initiated the nightlight getting brighter? I concluded, non-scientifically, that as I entered the room my body created additional shadows which were perceived as additional darkness in the room, thus increasing the need for additional light. Made sense to me, so that is my theory and I'm sticking to it. That in turn caused me to put that chain reaction into my thoughts of what happens when I walk into any room. Do I walk into a room full of people and add darkness to that room, or when I enter a room does the Light of God shine in me and through me to the point that it brightens the room and decreases the darkness much like the little nightlight in my home? 

Jesus proclaimed that we are His Light to this world in Matthew 5:14-16, "You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in Heaven." Based on His call to action, it is our responsibility to be a light and shine brightly, diminishing darkness in any room or setting that we enter. In my nightlight analogy, my presence in the room created darkness through the shadows my body projected on the walls increasing the need for additional light. I pray that the same is not figuratively true when I enter any room or gathering I attend. 

My goal is that I shed light anywhere I am. If the Light of Jesus lives in me then it should shine regardless of where I am or who I am with. In John 8:12 Jesus shared that if we follow Him we won't be able to hide our light, "When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." Just as the children's song proclaims, "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!" We make the choice to allow His light shine in and through our lives each day. I want to shine His light ever so brightly, ever diminishing the darkness that persists. 

The prophet Isaiah envisioned the coming of Jesus over 700 years before His actual birth here on earth. Isaiah prophetsized, "The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned." Isaiah 9:2. If we have received His light then we should do all we can to share it each day that He gives us to live for the rest of our lives. Trust, that there is a battle being waged between those who share His light and those who are dwelling in the dark shadows of the night. I choose to shine His light and live each day casting the light of His mercy and grace. The light of our Lord allows you to shine, I challenge you today to not cast a shadow of darkness, but to illuminate the world you live in each day. 

Coach Carter

Great Faith

I recently read a short biopic on an English minister from the mid-1800's named Smith Wigglesworth. His life was filled with adversity and conflict, but his outlook on life reflected a true example of a man of God who placed his faith in front of his life's circumstances. I was especially drawn to a particular quote that was shared regarding his faith in God. The quote goes as follows, "Great faith is a product of great fights. Great testimonies are the outcome of great tests. Great triumphs can only come out of great trials." An old adage came to my mind as I read this message, "nothing ventured, nothing gained". Meaning our faith is based in trust, and trust is developed in adversity or uncomfortable situations. As I read Smith's quote the truth of his statement became a message I had to share. Here we go. 

So, I may be the only one that needed clarity on this topic. I suppose it is possible that most people get it, that for us to experience triumph you have to be in a competition. Trials in life are a competition of sorts. In life's trials we are all fighting against an enemy. It may be a person, it could be a thing such as cancer, or it may be an internal matter such as depression or doubt, but we all experience battles in life. Just as a warrior going to battle against his enemy, we battle the demons that are attempting to knock us down and destroy our relationship with God. Going to battle requires us to equip ourselves with armor and weapons to overcome our adversary and Paul provides us with a checklist of items we should secure as we go to war with our adversities in Ephesians 6:10-23. The battle is the means by which we gain the ends of increased faith. Without the former we can not gain the latter. My point here is you won't experience triumph if you don't first have the conflict to overcome. Embrace your conflicts, they lead to victory. 

"Great testimonies are the outcome of great tests." This past week I experienced what I believe to be my fortieth flat tire since around 2010. Although that was not a "great test" it was a testament to grit and resilience. I was extremely thankful for my friend and colleague Matt Price who, just like a pit crew chief, grabbed the tire wrench and went straight to the business of loosening the nuts while I jacked up the car. The true test is that I have had an extremely high number of flat tires over the past fifteen years. Without those flat tires I would not have the testament of persevering through adversity if not for the tests of fixing my flats. Additionally, "Flat Tire Ministries" which is a direct outcome of all of those flat tires and the ability to problem solve and troubleshoot in times of a test. The Apostle Peter shared "Your faith will be like gold that has been tested in a fire." I Peter 1:7. Gold is only purified through the heat of the fire, our testimony is created through the fire of tests of adversity. 

Finally, Wigglesworth shared that great faith is the direct product of great fights. In all of his wisdom King Solomon provided us with the Book of Proverbs. The vast collection of wise sayings to live by is a treasure in itself and Proverbs 17:3 speaks to the idea of growing our faith through life's struggles. "Fire tests the purity of silver and gold, but the Lord tests the heart." I have talked with a number of family and friends since my latest flat tire incident and it has served as a symbol of faith over circumstances in many of those conversations. As you encounter life's struggles and trust me you will, having a strong, unbreakable faith will see you through. One of my Bible heroes is Paul, and Paul made it clear that regardless of the thorn in his flesh, he was going to continue serving and believing in Christ as his personal savior. In II Corinthians 12:9-10 Paul establishes his faith in this statement "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Great faith. 

A flat tire is a mere inconvenience, forty flat tires is a fight. I thank God for the opportunities to share messages each week through the lessons I have learned persevering through 40 flat tires and all the other struggles, challenges, and fights in my life. Without the struggles, fights, and challenges I would not have built the resilience I have acquired, nor would I have learned how to get back up when I got knocked down. I challenge you to flip the script on your own challenges and struggles today. I am certain your battles are much more serious or severe than my flat tires, but a challenge is a challenge and a fight is a fight. Whatever you are facing, know that you are not facing it alone. Rely on your faith and trust that God is in it with you, and He will see you through it! 

Coach Carter

"MORE"

 "More please". Those two words are indicative of where we are in society today. Sadly, the second word isn't always included and it is almost more of a demand, "More!". Wanting more out of life isn't necessarily a bad thing and working hard to achieve "more" is not a negative approach to life at all, yet if the desire for "more" is your driving force, then that very likely tips the scales in the wrong direction of guiding forces in your life. In a society that celebrates gaining more and more, I pray for a different narrative to become the standard by which we live. Instead of asking "more please" what would our world be like if we focused our attention on the act of "pleasing more"?

Two words one focused on taking care of self, the other set on service to others. In action these two words demonstrate what gets our attention each day. If you shape your daily plans around the "more please" attitude, the things you say, the schedule you create, and the intent of the things you do will be centered around one person, you. This can happen unconsciously or even unknowingly because this is a cultural lifestyle that pervades our society. Social media tells us that the more "likes" the more popular we are. Hollywood and the entertainment industry invoke the mindset of wanting more shimmer and more glitter, more body perfection, and more bling bling that supposedly will make everything better. I remember reading that John D. Rockefeller, who during his era was one of the wealthiest people on earth, was asked about how much money was enough. His reply, "just a little bit more". Rockefeller lived in the early 1900's, if that mindset was a driving force for the wealthy then, how do we even define the "MORE" culture we live in today? 

Conversely, opposite of the "more please" mindset, is the more life fulfilling mind shift of "pleasing more". With pleasing more, the focus is automatically off of self. When we seek to take care of other's needs there is no way to spend as much time worrying about what we want. We have a guarantee that our needs will be met in Luke 12:22-31 ", so anything else should fall in the category of a wishlist want. Later on in the same chapter of the Gospel of Luke, Jesus reminds us that, "... where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Luke 12:34. In other words if you place your focus on wanting more for yourself then your heart will only focus on taking care of yourself, but if you place your attention on taking care of the needs of those that are in true need of help, then your attention will be less on self and more on the needs of others.

So what do we do to shift our focus from "MORE" for me to one where we are pleasing God "MORE" through our service and selflessness to others? In the Gospel of Mark chapter 9 the disciples had been arguing about which one of them was the best disciple, albeit more of me, when Jesus questioned them about their argument. After hearing their self-centered stances, Jesus' response is timeless, "Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and servant of all." This in turn brings to mind the parable of the rich man who wanted to gain eternal life and asked Jesus what it would take. Jesus basically told the man that he would have to follow the Ten Commandments to which the rich man replied that he was doing so, but that is when the rubber hit the road. Then Jesus shared that if the man truly wanted to follow Him, the man should sell all he had and give his wealth to the needy. The rich man's response, "But when the young man heard Jesus tell him to give away his money, he was sad. He didn't want to do this, because he was very rich. So he left." Matthew 19:22, textbook "more for me please".

The true essence of our service to God lies in the mentality of thinking about ourselves less. That in itself is a paradoxical shift as many times we equate our life's significance based on what we have, in the "more please" world, the more you get the more you have enhances your self-worth. The more I get, the more people will respect and want to be around me way of thinking. As we have learned from our text today, that way of thinking is way off base. So far off base that Jesus provided a comparison for those out there that are stuck in the "more please" way of thinking. After the young, rich man walked off, Jesus provided this analogy, "I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God" Matthew 19:23-24. As we enter this new week, give some reflective time to where you are in the "more for me" or "more of me for others" mindset. Take the focus off of your own wants and needs and start placing your time and attention on how you can better serve those you live with, those you work with, and those you encounter along this journey called life!

Coach Carter

 

Change Your Perspective and Change Your World

"There is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing," Norwegian saying. What an outstanding perspective. Let's break that down a bit. Basically what this standard setting statement says is that the weather is going to be whatever it is going to be. If you live in Norway, it is a given that you should expect some frigid temperatures and at other times there are periods of damp wet conditions. During the summer months one can expect a mild to warm climate. In other words, there are some variances in the climate of Norway much like they exist around the world. The key to this Norwegian nugget is that regardless of what the weather of the day brings, it is be expected so prepare yourself accordingly and then go about your day as usual. Again, that is quite the method for grounding yourself in a positive mindset. Whatever you find yourself dealing with, it is comparable to the weather. Things are going to happen in your life, some not as good as others, but life happens. Our responsibility is to respond in a similar style to that of the Norwegian saying above. "There is no such thing as a bad lesson to learn, just bad perspectives in learning those lessons."

You can play the blame game all day long and it will probably work for you. I've never been one to blame someone else for my situations. Believe me, it would be much easier to allow my pointer finger to direct the focus on someone else or something else, but that just isn't the way I look at life. How do you react to a bad decision that doesn't go in your favor? The person who believes in the notion that there is such a thing as "bad weather" would say, things always go against me, someone has it out for me, or they lay the blame at the feet of the person who made the decision. For someone that falls more on the "no such thing as bad weather" perspective,  they would respond by looking introspectively at themselves and begin the work of improving those areas to better ensure success going forward. No bad weather, just bad preparation for the weather of the day. 

How about when a team you are part of doesn't win the tournament? Do you accept the defeat graciously and move forward, or do you seek a scapegoat to lessen the blow? The other team cheated, the referee must be about blind, or the home field advantage just stole the win. These are all examples of not accepting the weather for what it is and instead complaining about the rain even though there is a 50/50 chance of showers. When you play a game one team is going to come out with the lesser score and I'm guessing that equates to a 50% chance that your team could lose. No guarantees of victory, just a guarantee that the game is going to be played and then preparation comes into the equation. 

I've mentioned preparation in both of the instances above and that is not by coincidence. For the people of Norway, the better you prepare for the weather of the day, the better your experience will be for the day regardless of the weather. In life, preparation for whatever comes your way on a day to day basis or even more so, for the situations and circumstances that you find yourself dealing with whether it be health, relational, business, or personal life matters, makes all the difference. And what better preparation is there than preparing your heart, mind, body, and soul through a growing relation with our Lord and Savior. Time spent in reading, studying, and meditating on God's Holy Word is time well spent in preparing us for what comes our way. Prayer is a huge component in being prepared for what life brings your way. Prayer is our direct line of communication with God and a definite shaper of our perspective on life. There is no bad weather, just bad clothes, and likewise there is no such thing as a bad rap, just bad preparation for what may be coming your way. 

"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24. Regardless of what the weather is, we get to choose how we will receive it. We can complain that the rain ruined our plans for the day, or we can be grateful for the nourishment to the soil and plants that provide us with the delicious vegetables it produces. If we are thankful for the day that God has given us then our perspective will change to one that more closely resembles the mindset of the Norwegian people in terms of the weather outside. God gave you the day, whatever it brings be glad you have a day to enjoy and embrace it for what it will provide. Regardless of what the day brings, keep in mind there is no guarantee you would have this day. 

"I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live." Ecclesiastes 3:12