In the Dark

 The phrase, "being kept in the dark", speaks to the idea that someone is purposefully not being given the whole story in a given situation. This could range from not telling someone that the reason they are to arrive at a location at a certain time is because there is a surprise birthday party planned in their honor, all the way up to some type of hidden agenda created to deceive or mask ulterior plans. I recently had an encounter with a dark closet that illuminated my perception of this poignant, little phrase.

I enjoy the stillness of the early morning. No TV, no music, low lamp lighting, and limited distractions make it a perfect setting to study, meditate, listen, and pray. I function well in the calming darkness of the predawn hours, even when a room in our home is dark, I get around well without stubbing my toe or tripping over an errant toy or stuffy left by one of the grandkids. Paradoxically, I have reached that stage in life where reading glasses are a must. My overall vision is still good, but magnifying the print in a book or paper is my norm today. I have a pair of readers sitting near my devotional spot, in my vehicle, in a drawer at work, and one that I keep hung around my neck as I move about my day. I've gotten so used to wearing my "readers" that many times I'll just push the glasses down towards the tip of my nose and just look out over my glasses when I'm looking at something beyond print that I can see adequately without the aid of magnification. 

One particular morning, I had started my devotional time when I realized I needed a new journal out of my closet. I hopped up and strolled into the spare bedroom to retrieve the book from our closet. I didn't think to turn on the light because I was pretty sure I knew exactly where my stash of journals was located. The darkness of the closet surprised me a bit as I struggled more than I anticipated. At that moment during my struggle to find the writing journal in the dark closet, I realized I still had my glasses on. In a moment of clarity amongst the darkness of the closet, the epiphany struck me that my glasses would not be of any assistance as long as I was "kept in the dark". The readers that level my eyesight to near 20/20 vision were of no assistance when there was no light to assist my ability to see. I suppose this was my "Aha" moment from God for today's Flat Tire Ministries moment. We can have the best vision possible, but still not be able to see if we are overtaken by the dark. 

For our purpose today, darkness refers to anything that keeps us from seeing more clearly the truth of our life's current situation or anything that obstructs our decision making process. In our mind we may believe we are living in accordance with God and His plan for the life we are called to live, but could it be that darkness has decreased our ability to see the reality of our situation? Jesus shared a parable about two men who had two completely different views of their personal faith and relationship with God. In the Gospel of Luke 18:9-14 Jesus tells of a Pharisee and a tax collector who both came to the temple to pray about their salvation. Pharisees were religious members of society who lived a legalistic, holier than thou, lifestyle before, during, and after the death of Jesus. When I say "holier than thou" what I am saying is that the Pharisees were definitely "religious", but their strict adherence to the commands of the Old Testament made them unwilling to accept anything or anyone that was not in direct compliance with the Bible as they interpreted it. Tax collectors on the other hand were despised by the vast majority of people in Jesus' day because of the persecution and heavy burden their tax collecting efforts had on the average family. In the parable, the Pharisee approached the temple with this arrogant prayer, "God, I thank you that I am not like other people - robbers, evildoers, adulterers - or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get." Luke 18:11-12. On the other hand, the tax collector, in a repentant stance, stayed back away from the temple and cried out, "God, have mercy on me, a sinner!" Luke 18:13. Jesus proceeded to share "I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted." Luke 18:14. Standing the two characters from this parable beside each other with their bio below their picture it would appear easy to choose which one was justified in their faith. Yet, the Pharisee, in his mind, was better than those who weren't as religiously lawful than himself, which made him better than others that were deemed less religious. The tax collector, by definition, would have been seen as a sinner beyond sinners, yet his recognition of his own sin ladened life provided him with forgiveness and salvation. I think it is safe to say the Pharisee's legalistic faith created a situation where he was in the dark about the reality of his judgmental arrogance. 

As I reflected on my "walk in the dark" experience, it came to me that we have to be careful to not allow ourselves to start thinking we are better than others or that we are right and "they" are wrong when it comes to matters that we should not be attempting to be the judge and jury in. Our job is to remain humble, accepting all others just as Jesus modeled, and rather than judging others leave that to the One that will not only judge others, but will also judge the life that you and I live. Jesus reminds us that judging others isn't our job in Matthew 7:3-5, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye', when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." Clearly, just as it is being in a dark closet, if you have a plank in your eye you can't see clearly. 

My daily prayer is to remain humble and non-judgmental in my walk of faith. I am a sinner and only by and through the grace of God am I saved. I pray that the love I show for all mankind resembles the agape type of love that Jesus taught about and displayed to all mankind. Amen

 Coach Carter

Glory in Our Suffering

Today's Flat Tire Thought opens the door to some speculation right out the gate by just reading the title. Finding glory in suffering sounds a little challenging at best, and somewhat ludicrous on a surface level. "Oh, I just broke my leg, I am so happy!" I don't think that is how it works. At the moment of breaking a leg the vast majority of people would not be expressing happiness or joy, they typically express pain and suffering, so "unhappiness" would most likely be the word that comes to mind for most people. I think that is easily verifiable and overall something we can all agree on, instances that cause us to suffer are not enjoyable and do not lead us to a place where we can "glory" in our suffering. Then why is it that the Apostle Paul made this statement in Romans 5:3-4? "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character hope." This is where we will spend our time together today. 

I suppose defining the word glory is appropriate as we dip into this idea of finding glory through suffering. For our purpose the word glory is best defined as, "recognizing God's presence in all facets of our life". The verse Paul shares is a recognition by Paul that God is always with us in the good, the bad, and even in the ugly occurrences of life. To receive glory through suffering isn't something that just happens, it is a process that happens over time and through adversity and affliction. 

Fortunately or as it may appear unfortunately, growth comes through adversity. A seed doesn't grow unless it first dies which enables life and growth to take place, (John 12:24). With our broken leg example, the growth that is experienced through the pain and suffering of a broken leg can be described as perseverance. With a broken leg or any other situation that could be viewed as a setback, we are given a choice. We can either lay down or we can get up, get out, and get going. Rehab, training, exercise, and a continuous effort to improve are all necessary for recovery to take place properly. Those who dig in and set achievable goals see progress and thus develop perseverance. There's just something about learning to persevere over our life's challenges, it builds confidence, improves our outlook on the world, and makes us accountable for our own choices and outcomes. All of this which is gained through developing our personal perseverance molds the person we are becoming, you could say it builds our character. 

When I think of character, I visualize one of those caricature drawings where the artist magnifies certain aspects of the subject's face or body. Something stands out about a person whose character is intact. They don't have to say a word, but people are drawn to someone who has high moral standards, trustworthy and blameless, and leads from a position of service to others over self. The perseverance that is developed through overcoming adversity is the training grounds for building one's character. When I think of overcoming adversity Winston Churchill pops into my frontal lobe. Churchill's call to the Brits to never give up and never quit as Germany blitzed across Europe is energizing to me. The perseverance and resilience Churchill embodied was a rallying cry for the island country, a gritty call that fortified his character and immobilized countries around the world to stand firm alongside Western Europe. The life Jesus lived is the prime example of living a life of high character. Sinless, blameless, and full of compassion and empathy, Jesus lived out a life of service to others to the point of death on the cross. 

If you know the story of Jesus' death on the cross, then you know that is not where the story ends. The life of Jesus would not be complete if we didn't include His ultimate resurrection. This is where hope is invoked. Adversity creates suffering, but it doesn't end there. We face adversity, but we don't sit in it, we persevere moving forward, believing in our heart that God has a purpose for our lives. That perseverance builds momentum in who we are and who we are becoming which shapes our character which is on display in the life we live each day. And guess what? We live out each day with an expectancy of a fulfilled life. We can't see tomorrow, but we place our hope in an understanding that tomorrow will be exactly what God has planned for it to be, and it is our job to live out today to its fullest, striving forward and not looking back! Faith on display. Faith is based in hope, Hebrews 11:1 explains it like this, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." We can't see the future, we don't know what tomorrow is going to bring, but because we persevere through adversity and we incorporate that resilience into our daily growth until it just becomes part of who we are. That is the essence of developing character. From there we become transformed from someone that is going it alone in life, to a person confident that we are never going it alone and that there is a purpose for anything and everything in life. When we live there, there is hope and hope does not fail. "And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:5. 

It all begins with faith, but that faith grows through suffering, persevering, and moving forward through life's adversity. We get knocked down, but we become the person who gets back up. That shapes who we are and the person we are known to be. That character trait then carries us forward to a place where we know we will become an overcomer, which culminates in hope and a faith that has been tried, tested, and proven worthy to be glorified! Praise God! Amen. 

Coach Carter

 

The Anatomy of a Flashlight

 

My guess is most of us have a flashlight. Either in your car for emergencies, toolbox for work related needs, or probably the most common location of your flashlight would be in a drawer or cabinet at home for times when the power suddenly goes out. A flashlight in need is a much appreciated item to possess, the problem is the "need" for a flashlight is mainly limited to what we would label emergencies. That being said, the value of owning a flashlight drastically diminishes if when needed the light doesn't come on when engaged. Each part or component of a flashlight is critical for the light to shine, being familiar with the major parts of the light is important for proper maintenance or repair when that light does not shine. In our time together today, we are going to do a little comparison of the light we receive from our flashlights, and the light we emit from our relationship with God. Let's do a little dive into the major components in a flashlight and their related purpose for light to be emitted. 

The body of a flashlight is labelled as the tube and its purpose is to act as a protective shell for the interior parts that are susceptible to breakage or other types of damage. The light source of a flashlight is pretty easy for us to identify, the bulb emanates different types of light. To support the bulb, all flashlights have a reflector or lens which serves the purpose of directing the light beam outward. Inside the tube, you will find a circuit board, which carries out the responsibility of controlling the flow of electricity to the bulb or light source. Additionally inside the tube is the part that provides the energy for the light to shine, the battery. The parts listed above work in harmony to provide light in a dark space. We too must have a light to see in the darkness both literally and figuratively. A crosswalk between the parts and function of a flashlight to the need of the "Light" in our own lives is not only easily achievable, but highly practical as a constant reminder of the need for His Light to shine in us and through us. 

Comparing our personal selves with a flashlight may sound a little out there, yet there does exist an uncanny resemblance upon reflection. The body component is pretty much self-explanatory, our human bodies fulfill a similar purpose of protecting our vital internal components. That being said, it is necessary to point out that in Christ we are His body, (I Corinthians 12:27). If we then adhere to that understanding, then it just goes to reason that in relation to our flashlight analogy, we then too are the light of Christ and we should shine that light accordingly. The circuit board of our light will determine the type of light we emanate much like a flashlight that I own. As you cycle through the bulbs there is a regular light bulb that illuminates my path (John 8:12), a laser pointer bulb to pinpoint the focus (Habakkuk 3:4), a broader light that fills a room (Matthew 5:15), and a blue light for times when your path is cloudy or uncertain (Psalm 119:105). Our lens or reflection of Christ's light is a critical component in our daily walk. What do we reflect to those we live, love, and work with each day? If the Light of Christ is shining in and through us then it is important that we grow in that light. That growth is accomplished through strengthening our heart, mind, body, and soul which are the batteries of our life. By studying His Word, hearing His Word being taught, and worshipping through prayer and meditation we are assured that we are charging our spiritual batteries. 

There is one additional part of a flashlight that determines the impact of a flashlight and also the potential light we have to shine for others to see. Nothing happens if the power switch is not engaged. Just as this part of the flashlight controls the connection between the light bulb and power source, we consciously make the decision to allow God's Light to shine in and through us. Walking in darkness hinders our progress toward reaching our life's potential and purpose. And if you've ever attempted to walk around in the dark, it is a good way to stump your toe or fall flat on your face. Making the choice of turning on the Light is yours, no one can turn it on for you, and likewise, no one can turn off your Light!

Unfortunately, many choose to allow their faith relationship to be much like that of the flashlight. We place God in a cabinet or toolbox for an emergency situation where we need His Light to lead us out of the darkness. For a flashlight to work properly all parts must be in working condition and the batteries must be fully charged. Keep your faith charged and allow it to shine bright! "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in Heaven." Matthew 5:16

Coach Carter

Start Small

 If there is one piece of advice I can share as we get this new year underway it would be related to growth and or change. Start small. New Year's resolutions have good intentions, yet the standard goals of losing weight, exercising more, stop smoking, drinking, or whatever your current vice you would like to distance yourself from, all have the tendency to be stop cold turkey and don't look back. For others it is to start a new business or implementing a new strategy for a current business endeavor. Whatever it is that you plan to embark on in 2026, I do believe that small victories and incremental steps forward should be your measuring stick for success instead of looking for a grand slam homerun in your first at bat in this fledgling new year. 

Wisdom. By definition the word refers to the ability to apply knowledge, experience, and good judgment to navigate life's complexities. A key word in that definition is experience. When it comes to growing, I have experienced my share of personal growth, much of which was not so pleasant at the time, but through those experiences I feel like my wisdom markers have grown exponentially. From my own dropped New Year's Resolutions, to a not so positive outcome for a restaurant venture, taking the advice to start out small might have created some early success and a foundation to grow and expand. 

Whatever it is that you want to accomplish this year, whether it be a resolution to exercise more or taking that step to open a new business, slow steady progress is part of the recipe for success. The rabbit came out running fast and took the early lead, yet we all know who ended up crossing the finish line first. If you want positive change to occur in your life, then you have to stack up several small wins so the foundation for the bigger victories has something to stand on when things get tougher. Paul shared this valuable bit of wisdom with his protege Timothy, "Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress." I Timothy 4:15. Progress is the key. Maybe your goal is to go back to school to advance yourself in your current job. Grand goal, just don't start out the semester with a full load and no plans to alter your lifestyle to compensate for the additional time that commitment will require. Planning on a new diet with a goal of getting back in shape? Instead of going cold turkey on the sweets, breads, and crunchy, salty snacks, creating a plan to eat less and exercise more will pay dividends. And if a new business is your goal in 2026, start out with a small budget and low, low overhead. Don't make the mistake of thinking bigger and quicker is better, remember Paul's advice, be diligent and show off your progress as you continue to grow. 

There is one other area that I want to always set as a goal each new day that I have been given to live. I want to deepen my faith relationship with God. Trusting God, following God, and serving God are areas where the small start creates a dichotomy of sorts. When we accept Christ as our Savior, that signals an all in decision, yet just as in any other venture, the broader our early approach, the harder it is to maintain for the long run. In the parable of the sower, Jesus said this about those who are on fire, but fizzle out, "The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away." Matthew 13:20-21. When we ask God into our hearts and we commit to follow and serve, that is an all in commitment, but as in any relationship, growth comes with time and time takes time. It is over time that we learn and grow through listening, reading, praying, and meditating  which in turn allows us to grow in wisdom and discernment. Commit to God in a big way, gradual progress makes for continued growth. 

January 1, 2026 has already come and gone and with it some folks have already made a resolution to start something big and then left it sitting on the side of the road by January 2, 2026. Whatever it is that you want to start off the year doing more of or less of my advice for you today is to take it slow, start small, and gain some early wins. "The kingdom of Heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of all garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches." Matthew 13: 31-32. Start small, grow big and mighty! 

Coach Carter

Position Your Perspective for Success

Have you ever given much thought to the phrase "in the right place at the right time"? Basically the presumption is that a person just happens to be in a particular position at exactly the right time for something with a positive outcome to occur. Call it luck, good fortune, or plain old coincidence, but the premise with that line of thinking is that good things just happen by chance. Pastor Hilton shared a totally different perspective during one of his recent sermons. His story involved his son playing basketball, and when his son shot and missed he had the potential to get discouraged and his shoulders would slump. Pastor Robbie continued, the problem with that isn't that he missed the shot, but now that his son's shoulders slumped in disappointment he would not be in a ready position to make the next shot when the ball came his way again. In other words, making the shot isn't just about being in the right place at the right time, open shot, but it is more about being in the right position at the time when opportunity knocks on the door. 

Mindset is everything to me. To be successful isn't about luck or good fortune, it is about grasping opportunities and making the most out of them. Before we go any further I need to lay out a disclaimer, to me opportunities come in many different packages. Misfortune can be an opportunity just as much as it is found in a "being in the right place" mentality. I equate mindset to perspective. Our mental approach to life's circumstances will have a tremendous impact on the outcome of a situation. There were a few other key phrases that came out of Pastor Robbie's sermon that I just had to jot down and I want to be sure to give credit where credit is due as I share them today. "Complaining clouds creativity" which was followed by "Your mind moves from creativity to captivity and confusion." At another point in the sermon the pastor stated we have to take our thoughts captive so that we can get to the mindset of "placement over punishment".  Now that one is tough for many people. The victim mentality shifts our thinking to one where we think along the lines of a "being in the wrong place at the right time" way of looking at our current position in life. One last tidbit of insight from this particular sermon, "It isn't the storm happening around the boat that causes fear, it is the mental state of the person steering the ship". To which I would refer back to today's title and offer the idea that our outlook or perspective is going to predicate our mindset in adverse situations, which in turn will have a tremendous impact on our success or our demise.

I suppose this would be a good time to ask the question, "What does it mean to be mentally tough?"  Well, I believe the Apostle Paul would explain it like this, "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." II Corinthians 4: 16-18. Going back to where we started today, an athlete who only sees the missed shot that just occurred, will not be able to envision the next shot or the next ten shots going through the hoop. Instead it is necessary for us to think through what went wrong on that particular shot and then correct the mechanics and be prepared for the next ten shots to hit nothing but the net! Perspective puts us in a position to be successful. 

For the person navigating the storm, regardless of whether it is a literal storm at sea or if it is any of the myriad storms of life scenarios, your perspective will have a great deal of impact on how you weather and overcome the torrent winds and waves that are bashing on the bow of your ship. James 1:12 tells us, "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him." Don't ever give up, never quit, and always give your best. I'll shout out those three phrases until the day I die. On giving up Thomas Edison offered this perspective, "Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." For Edison, failed attempts meant he was one attempt closer to success. To see things in that manner takes a tremendous amount of perspective positioning. You have to maintain a never give up mental state of being. Instead of slumping your shoulders after missing the shot, you have to have a "Give me the ball, I'm ready for the next shot" mental perspective. 

As we close today I want to clarify that this way of thinking isn't easy to accomplish. When the waves are crashing all around or when you have missed the last twenty shots, it is easier to get discouraged than to have a positive outlook for what is going to happen next. It isn't easy if you are attempting to go it alone. The key to having a success through adversity mentality is to partner with the One who walks alongside us through adversity (John 16:33). As we prepare to welcome 2026, I challenge you to draw near to God in the midst of life's daily struggles. When life happens, as it most certainly will, you will be faced with a choice. You can mark another one up to "bad luck" or you can position your perspective for success and seek the strength and resilience of Christ. He is there. "But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31. Whatever 2026 holds, I am prepared because He walks with me, bring it on!

Coach Carter

Oxygen Mask Epiphany

 My work has provided me with a plethora of great opportunities to learn and grow through attending intentional and focused professional development conferences over the years. I give a great deal of credit to those travels for the growth as a leader I have experienced throughout my career. "You gotta go to grow" is my mantra for success as an educational leader. Recently as I sat on the runway preparing for take-off, a mundane safety presentation that is shared before every flight caught my attention and prompted today's Flat Tire Message. "Two exits to the rear of the plane and one in the front of the plane", "Your seat is a flotation device if needed", and "Please keep your seatbelt fastened while you are seated due to the possibility of turbulence" are all common instructions that the majority of seasoned travelers tune out during the 5 minute presentation. On this particular flight one of those instructions took on a totally different meaning. 

"In case of an emergency, an oxygen mask will drop from the ceiling, place your mask on first before assisting others." Like I previously said, I have heard these same set of instructions on Delta, American, United, Southwest, and other airlines countless numbers of times. But on this particular flight it took on a totally new meaning. I looked to my right and seated in the window seat beside me was my seven year old granddaughter Ella. If there is an emergency and danger is rearing its ugly head, I would and will do whatever it takes to take care of my granddaughters, so if there is an emergency on a plane, my thoughts are not about self, but rather all about taking care of my precious cargo. That's a no-brainer right? "Who would instruct adults to place their own safety above the safety of a child?" was the thought racing across my mind. If a car was speeding out of control and one of our granddaughters and I were walking down the street, I wouldn't jump out of the way first and then move my grandchild, nor would I run for shelter from a tornado unless I first knew all my loved ones were safe. So, where do airlines come up with the mentality of helping yourself first before you help others? That my friend is the core of our message today. 

When an airplane loses compression the oxygen quickly dissipates, creating a situation where there are only seconds available before folks begin to pass out from lack of oxygen. If I, as the protector, prioritize placing the oxygen mask on someone else, there is a strong possibility that I could pass out before I accomplish getting their mask on, thus creating an even more dangerous situation where not only does my grandchild need their oxygen mask placed, but now I could be laying there unconscious unable to do the very task that I am so deeply committed to complete for the safety of my passenger pal. The very instinct that causes me to want to place others first, could actually be the factor that leaves my little granddaughter in perilous danger. In other words, you can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself. 

We can look at this through the literal lens of physical care and this is essentially a true statement. If you are a caregiver of a child, live with a disabled family member, or take care of anyone else in need, you must take care of yourself or the expansiveness of the responsibility will rapidly take its toll on you. Rather, what my epiphany through this occurrence was is more about how we as men and women of faith can't help save the world or even those so near and dear to us if we aren't taking care of our own personal relationship with God the Father first. Jesus chastised an audience with this literary gem regarding self help before helping others. "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." Matthew 7:3-5. Contextual application for us: if we aren't in a true relationship with God the Father, how can we expect to share the "good news" of redemption of our sins and the salvation which leads us to life eternal in Heaven? I suppose the question we all have to ask ourselves is, "Can we walk the talk we talk?". 

The life we live is a walking testimony of our trust and faith in God. We especially have to be careful not to talk about our walk, but walk in a completely different manner. Going through the motions, without regularly reflecting on our true relationship with God creates a scenario where we are not going to be able to help our neighbor with their oxygen mask of faith in their time of need. If we aren't authentic, others won't look to us to lead them to salvation. Essentially, if our faith is being lived out, then we can help serve others before we serve ourselves. The Apostle Paul noted in I Corinthians 9:27 that "I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified." Paul knew he had to be in constant training so that he could aid others by showing himself to be a true follower of Christ. 

Are you in a place where your relationship with God places you in a position to assist others more than just doing for self? Would you say that you are equipped to help out your neighbor before helping yourself? Is your faith enough to put your neighbor's oxygen mask on before your own? For us to truly call ourselves disciples of Christ, we have to be able to lay down our life for the benefit of someone else. Jesus did that for you and for me and he wants us to pay it forward today and tomorrow! 

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

Coach Carter

This One Thing

 What is "true love"? I know in my own family, we tell each other "I love you" before we hang up on a call, head out the door to work, and before we go to bed each night. When we sign a birthday card, we write, "Love, Chuck & Missy", and over the past thirty-seven years I have pledged my love to my best friend and partner for life. Across the world the methods for expressing the emotion of "love" are countless and in your own unique world, I'm certain that you and your family share your emotional compassion for one another through a plethora of traditions, rituals, and verbalizations. But, back to my original question, what is "true love"? We say it in numerous ways, we show it in a variety of actions and deeds, but what would be a definition that could serve as a model for us all in understanding what it means to say "I love you"? 

I know in my own childhood, our family was not one to express our emotions very well. I know my mom and dad loved me, but I don't recall them sharing those three words on a regular, daily basis. Their demonstration of love was made through the hard work they did and the opportunities they created for Bob, Donna, and I. They always made sure we had what we needed to the point that they would do without so we could have what we needed.  As I grew and matured and started dating, I fell "in love" too many times to count. Valentine cards proclaimed "I love you" and the words began to flow across my lips as relationships ebbed and flowed through my high school and college years. But when I met my future wife Missy, the words "I love you" suddenly took on a completely different meaning. Not to get too mushy, but pretty quickly, I knew in my heart that I would do anything necessary to take care of and protect Missy and I wanted to do that for the rest of my life! Hence our 37 years of marriage. I knew I would do whatever it took to take care of and protect her, even to the point of sacrificing myself for her well-being. As our family grew with the birth of our daughter and son and eventually the addition of our nephew/son, that emotional feeling of love continued to grow as well. To say "I love you" to my kids and now as adults to their kids, basically means I would do anything, go anywhere, and give up whatever it takes to help them in their time of need. I believe the most concise definition of "true love" can be expressed by "this one thing", sacrifice. 

International Pastor and evangelist Chip Ingram often says that love is best characterized as "giving someone what they need most, when they deserve it least, at great personal cost". For me the key phrase in that definition is "at great personal cost". It's easy to say you love someone, and it is easy to show someone you love them when things are going smoothly, but when things get bumpy and the feelings of "love" appear to be distant or dissipating, that is when there is a place where making a personal sacrifice becomes paramount. As Pastor Ingram states, when we make that personal sacrifice that infringes on our day to day person, then we can say we are demonstrating "true love". The sacrifice I'm envisioning here isn't a tangible sacrifice, but more of an internal sacrifice. We may be angry at the actions or choices of the person, but we sacrifice our desire to see the person pay for their actions, and show empathy and compassion instead. When we are hurt it becomes easy to want retribution, but if we truly love someone we sacrifice our emotional hurts because we have a connection to the other person that surpasses our "me centered" societal understanding. And where do you think Chip Ingram created his philosophy on "true love"? That answer is the core of our time together today.

If true love is demonstrated in giving someone what they don't deserve, but doing so when they need it most, and when that love is given with a great deal of personal sacrifice then we have the prime example shared with us in the sacrificial life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. Jesus came to this world to teach us how to love. His life was a demonstration of giving us something we didn't deserve, when we needed it the most, and at the ultimate cost of giving His life on the cross so we could gain forgiveness of our own sin-stained lives. In I John 4:9-10, the Apostle John shares, "This is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. The Apostle Paul penned the following context, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8. The "this" being referenced in both passages is the one thing that ultimately demonstrates "true love", sacrifice.

As we go about our day to day lives, I hope that you have people in your life that you have the opportunity to tell them you love them. Sacrificial love for my wife, children, and grandchildren is easy. I would gladly give my life for any of them without a second thought. But loving those outside of our immediate family is a totally different concept. This world is full of hurting people, people that need to experience this same type of sacrificial love. When asked what the greatest commandment was, Jesus was quick to reply, "... "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 22:37-39. Love God, the most basic commandment there could be, but loving the unloveable, those we don't see eye to eye with, those that are hurting and our brothers and sisters around the world. Whether they are family or complete strangers doesn't matter, we are called to demonstrate true sacrificial love to them just as Jesus displayed true love for you and for me at a time when I knew I didn't deserve it, but needed it most, "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. I John 3:16. This one thing, the one thing that truly makes all the difference in the world, changes saying we love someone to showing them what true love is. Choose this one thing, sacrifice for the sake of others, love the way that you are loved, and live each day as the opportunity it is.

Coach Carter